


The butterflies they flutter by

by Elysandra



Series: Hugs in Cups [13]
Category: Sanctuary (TV)
Genre: Action/Adventure, BDSM, D/s, Dirty Talk, Drawing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, Fighting for a Relationship, Historical Costumes, Historical Roleplay, Relationship Problems, Tickling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-15
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-01-01 16:39:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 31,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1046126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elysandra/pseuds/Elysandra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kate joining Garris, Helen blowing up her Sanctuary - the events up to and including SFN II have left scars behind. Now Helen and Kate have to fight for their relationship - and fight they do. But all's well that ends well...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for the SFA Big Bang. I am very proud of this story and I really hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it (even though I sometimes felt like screaming at the way those two behaved ;) (Constructive) feedback would be very much appreciated!
> 
>  
> 
> The banner and chapter headers were done by featherxquill, the lovely artist who chose my stories for the Big Bang! Thank you so much!!! You're awesome! ♥  
> An endless supply of hugs also goes to Tomorrow_Begins who, very patiently, helped me with this story! Thank you so much, I don't know what I would have done without your feedback and beta!  
> And, of course, thanks to MarronC who endured loooong descriptions of the 'and they... and then they...' variety. Very patient as well ;) *hugs*
> 
>  

Helen Magnus, 276 year old survivor extraordinaire, stood in her office, looking out over her second life’s work to where her young lover was currently running a group of trainees through a number of exercises, and mused about the irony called fate. She had spent over a hundred years without her family and friends. She had missed them, sometimes watched them. And she had lost almost all of them all over again - except for a precious few; those who had once more gathered around her, here, now, to start a new life.

And yet, sometimes, they felt further away than ever before.

She watched as Kate demonstrated a defensive manoeuvre, repeatedly. Kate was patient, concentrated - and relentless. She’d grown so much from the spunky freelancer Helen had first met; Helen couldn’t have been prouder. She’d been intent on giving Kate the chance to learn, to change. And Kate had flourished.

It had felt like the only logical choice to let her go when she’d met Garris, to allow her to continue to learn, to grow, to make new experiences. No matter if Helen hurt, she could never stand in Kate’s way. And life went on. It always did.

Now, though, now things were different. After taking that final step...

And now Kate was back, but for the first time in all these years Helen was really, seriously afraid of losing her. It was terrifying.

She watched as Kate glanced over the people around her; all eyes were on her. She let a few seconds pass, waited for them to relax. When they weren’t expecting it, she sprang into action, jumping and twisting around, her leg flying, foot kicking the training batch hard enough to send Dr Martin stumbling backwards with a gasp.

Helen smiled over the rim of her cup. It made her proud to see how much confidence Kate was gaining in training their personnel. She took another sip of tea, breathing in the comforting scent of her current favourite, white Darjeeling. This was the third Wednesday she’d spent standing next to her office’s window, sipping a cup of tea while she watched the group down on the lawn, and it was turning into something of a ritual.

The thought made her smile dim. When had it become easier to watch her lover from afar instead of spending time with her?

Turning her back on the window, Helen walked over to her desk to pull a cloth wrapped folder out of one of its drawers. Carefully, she untied the string that kept it shut, then opened it to look at the differently sized pieces of paper inside.

It had been quite difficult moving some of the personal things in secret, and quite a few, especially where her huge collection of memorabilia was concerned, had had to be sacrificed. She had made sure, though, to take the items that were most important to everyone. Like this folder was to her, containing all the little drawings from Kate that Helen had been able to salvage when they started turning up; some had been forgotten inside folders and reports, more had landed crumbled in the waste, thrown away negligently on the way out after team meetings. And one precious one had turned up in a folder containing a report on the effectiveness of one of Henry’s inventions on sewer chameleons some time after Helen had first attempted to breach the topic of drawing with Kate.

The conversation itself had been quite disappointing, only proving once more that Kate could evade with the best of them when she wasn’t comfortable with a topic. Helen pulled out the largest piece of paper and placed it on top of the others, looking at the drawing of herself sitting in the old library in what was actually a quite fair rendition of a Victorian time’s dress. This picture, to her, more than made up for the whole stilted conversation. Not that the heated sex Kate had finally fallen back on to distract her determined lover from the unwanted topic hadn’t been a fine compensation as well. This, though, touched her whenever she looked at it and told her more than Kate would probably ever say out loud.

It was a confession and a declaration and Helen could only guess how much it meant to Kate to let her see this, to give it to her when she wouldn’t even talk about this talent of hers. Helen cherished it all the more for it. She carefully ran her fingertips across the slightly rough surface, a touch well-practised, smiling wistfully. With all the tension between them now, she found she clung to this frail confirmation of love as one would to a lifeline. This, along with the memory of finding a little wooden box under Kate’s old bed after her lover had gone to join Garris, were the two trinkets that gave her the desperately needed confidence that they would get through this more than rough spot in their relationship. The rush of emotions at finding what had to be Kate’s most cherished keepsakes in that hidden box had actually taken her by surprise, resulting in long minutes spent sitting where she’d sunk down on Kate’s bed, staring at the box in her hands. Now, it served to strengthen her determination. They would get through this; they had to.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I haven’t seen you draw in a long time,” Helen observed that evening as they shared dinner while pouring over training schedules and plans.

“I’ve never drawn,” Kate pointed out instantly, leaning forward to the low table to spear another piece of sushi with one chop stick. She scribbled a comment into one of her schedules, ignoring Helen’s good-natured eye-role.

“Alright. I haven’t seen you ‘doodle’ in a long time then.”

She picked a sushi piece with her chopsticks, dipping it generously.

Kate shrugged.

“Too interesting here, I guess,” she said, munching on the rice and fish, before she finally turned her attention from the papers to Helen, who was studying her closely.

“It’s a pity. I like your ‘doodles’.”

“They’re just doodles,” Kate said, obviously uncomfortable with the topic. She placed her chopstick down rather abruptly and began sorting through the papers on her knees.

“They’re good, Kate,” Helen insisted gently, touching Kate’s knee. She had hoped to get through to her like that, but she was disappointed. Kate’s eyes flickered to her hand, then she turned to Helen, leering.

“There are other things I’m _really_ good at!” She took the folder from Helen’s hands, twisting and rising enough to straddle her thighs. “Would you like a demonstration?”

Helen didn’t get the chance to answer before Kate’s lips descended on her own, soft and hot, eagerly caressing hers. With a moan, Helen gave in, opening her mouth to welcome her tongue against her own. Her hands roamed across Kate’s back, across her ribs, her spine, her shoulder blades. When Kate’s hands came up to frame her face, holding her in place for her hungry explorations, Helen retaliated by burying her own hands in Kate’s hair, her thumbs massaging the back of her neck the way she knew Kate loved. It had the desired effect, judging by Kate’s groan and the way she started tugging on Helen’s blouse insistently. Helen smirked against Kate’s lips, catching her lower lip between her teeth even as her own hands tugged at Kate’s shirt until she could slip them underneath. Kate lost the fight and arched against Helen with a moan as Helen ran her hands up Kate’s waist to cup her breasts through the bra. Pleased at the hard nipples her thumbs encountered, Helen tugged the shirt up until she’d bared Kate’s chest, then leaned forward to close her mouth around one of the breasts her hands lifted out of the bra’s cups. Changing sides from time to time, she worshipped them eagerly, and her lips and tongue managed to make Kate utter the sweetest sounds imaginable.

~~~

Her attempt at distracting Helen worked even better than Kate had hoped. Serious making-out on the couch, only kept down by the unlocked door to Helen’s office, had quickly been relocated to Helen’s bed, where Helen had proceeded to fuck her six ways from Sunday. Kate had been a boneless heap of contentment when she was done with her, drowsing in the rumpled bed until an exhilarating thought had crossed her mind.

Hazy memories of stumbling out of bed and putting on the strap-on dildo while Helen had been in the bathroom came back to Kate as she basked in the last remnants of a fading dream. She blinked sleepily. Fucking Helen against the bathroom door hadn’t been a dream, had it?

The scene grew more detailed as the memory returned to show Helen bucking against her, her flushed face turned aside and her cheek pressed against the door, hands clinging to its frame above her. Bottles and jars got scattered across the bathroom floor as Helen raised her leg and placed her foot on the top of the little wooden cabinet, causing it to bang against the wall in time with Kate thrusting into her. The banging felt like a pulse to their fucking, the rhythm growing more and more desperate as Kate brought Helen closer.

Kate smirked. Turn-about was fair play!

She turned and reached out for Helen - and came up empty. She forced her eyes open and stared at the empty spot beside her while her brain tried to comprehend.

She was alone.

Helen was gone.

She was alone, because Helen had left.

Her eyes searched the pillow, the mattress, then the nightstands.

No piece of paper, no note, no nothing. She growled.

“Fuck you.”

It hurt.

Kate groaned and turned onto her back, staring unseeingly up at the ceiling. How had everything become so fucked up? She wanted back what they had had. She wanted Helen back. And she had no idea what to do.

She turned her head to look at the clock on Helen’s nightstand. 2:45. It didn’t matter. She rolled out of bed and began collecting her clothes, her muscles protesting. She wanted to sleep. She needed to sleep. But she’d be damned if she stayed here, in Helen’s bed, after being left like this. She was angry, and hurting. She was scared.

All the shit that had happened recently - it hadn’t left them unscathed. On the contrary, it felt like something had been broken. It had been cracked even before their old lives had burned to the ground; that had just made the cracks become visible. Now it felt like everything was about to fall apart - and it frightened her more than she had thought possible.

Kate dressed and left the room, slowly and quietly as if trying not to disturb a still sleeping Helen. If only.

She pondered the way their relationship had changed since coming down here as she walked down the quiet hallways. There’d been more touches, more glances before. More smiles and more... more time. More intimacy. And more fun, more fun working, more fun relaxing, more fun playing. She paused at the realisation that the last time they’d played a scene had been way back before she’d met Garris. Well, and that little thing she’d initiated after her return. Kate blinked, once, twice, ransacking her brain for memories. Could it really have been that long?

She began walking again, quickening her steps as she hurried back to her room, a faint tingling of excitement growing inside her. Maybe _that_ would be the solution.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I'll try to post about one chapter a day now :)  
> Thanks to featherxquill for the cute chapter header!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sight that welcomed Helen upon entering her room the next evening was an unexpected one - especially with the way Kate had been evading her throughout the day. Except for the yellow light of the bedside lamp it was completely dark and the shadows seemed to diffuse the silhouette of her lover. Kate sat on the foot end of her bed, hunched over and obviously lost in thought, though she looked up when Helen closed the door. Upon a second look, the dark bundle on the covers next to her turned out to be black rope, coiled up the way they stored them in the toy chest. Without pausing to slip her high heels off as she normally would, Helen walked a few steps further into the room then stopped, some distance still from the bed and her lover.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Kate.”

With a serious expression that seemed to damn the situation even further but perfectly befit the recent tension between them, Kate straightened and stood, holding out a hand to Helen.

“Please.”

Helen took the proffered hand and allowed herself to be pulled closer, albeit hesitantly.

“I’m not really in the mood.”

She watched as Kate began to tug her top out of the waistband of her skirt. Her fingers were nimble as always, tugging and caressing at the same time, reaching bare skin within seconds. Her touch was electric and Helen found herself reacting easily, helping Kate to pull the top up and off over her head while she was still caught in hesitation. In the next instant, she found herself brushing her own robe off Kate’s shoulders, the material nothing but silky softness under her fingertips, a compliment to Kate’s skin beneath. Apparently she was done hesitating because her fingertips danced across Kate’s shoulders, eagerly exploring the skin they exposed.

Shimmying her hips to assist getting rid her of her skirt, she splayed her hands as they roamed across her lover’s body, naked now, no longer paying heed to Kate’s actions as she allowed herself to let go, to lose herself in the warm skin, the taught curves and firm muscles. This was what she had wished for when she’d shut down her computer, what her hands and lips had longed for. Leaning down, she nipped at a bare shoulder, right above the joint, the skin warm under her lips. This was what she needed. Stepping closer, leaving her high heels and inadvertently her panties behind, she allowed for a moment of broken contact as her bra’s straps were pushed down her arms, only to press her now equally naked body against Kate’s right the next moment. She pulled her lover close and pushed her backwards at the same time, heat rushing through her as the bed dug into Kate’s knees from behind and she fell down on the covers, pulling Helen with her.

The bundled rope her hand landed on brought Helen up short. She paused, then picked up the rope and straightened.

“Let’s keep this for another day,” she suggested, moving to drop the bundle on the floor, only to be stopped by Kate’s touch.

“No, please. I want you to tie me up, Helen.”

Helen hesitated. She wanted Kate so much right now. Not like this, though, not when she couldn’t shake the uneasiness.

“Kate...”

But with the way her lover was looking up at her, eyes wide and pleading, she couldn’t really bring herself to deny her wish.

“Please, Helen. I need this.”

Helen sighed. Maybe a little bit of light bondage wouldn’t hurt. She yearned to fulfil her own need, so how could she deny Kate her request?

“Hold out your wrists then,” she caved, waiting for Kate to follow her directions. She could tell her voice was missing the ease with which she normally took command, and Kate seemed somewhat shy, but she ignored it as she began to wrap the black rope around the proffered wrists, leaving about a hand’s width between them as she bound Kate with practised motions.

“There,” she said after she’d tied the knot. “Now raise them over your head.”

Kate obeyed and scooted further up the bed when Helen told her to. Helen rounded the bed, helping her lie down with the rope running along her spine, then raise her hips to allow it to be pulled down, thus keeping her hands in place behind her neck.

The room was silent as Helen manipulated her legs to splay open wide, then crossed them at her ankles. A quick glance at Kate’s face showed her staring at the ceiling, her chest rising in deep, slow breaths.

“Look at me.”

Helen trailed her fingertips along the inside of Kate’s knee, trying to catch her attention. Even at a light tug on her slightly damp folds she wouldn’t meet her gaze though, lifting her hips to urge Helen on instead.

Closing her eyes for a long moment, Helen finally shook her head.

“I can’t do this,” she said, ignoring Kate’s alarmed expression as she began to pull the rope out from under her back.

“What are you doing?” Kate protested. “Don’t stop, please, I’ll be good. I’ll look at you, the whole time! I swear!”

Giving the rope a frustrated tug that finally made it slip free, Helen huffed.

“That’s not what this is about,” she said, rounding the bed to free Kate’s wrists. They struggled as Kate tried to keep her from freeing her, trying to pull her close instead, kissing her breasts and caressing her waist wherever she could reach it.

“Sure it is. I disobeyed, but I can be-”

Helen pulled back, gripping her wrists hard to keep her from getting to her.

“It’s not!”

She tugged angrily at the knot, untying it easily now that Kate had frozen.

“I need you here with me, Kate, it won’t work like this.”

“I _am_ here,” Kate whispered, hurt, reaching for Helen’s hands now that she was free once more.

Helen avoided the contact, brushing an errant strand of hair out of Kate’s flushed face instead.

“No, Kate,” she said, lowering her hand to brush her knuckles against Kate’s cheek with a sad smile. “You’re really not.”

Frozen, Kate sat and watched wordlessly as Helen picked up her clothes. When she was dressed, she sank down on the edge of the bed, running her hands over her face. She wasn’t one to slump in defeat, but she had to dredge up her last reserves of energy to keep her usual poise. This was such a far cry from how she had imagined her night... It was hard to believe how things could go this wrong in such a short amount of time.

“Sleep,” she finally told Kate, throwing her a look. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

She stood and left without waiting for a reply.

~~~

Helen returned to her office, burying herself in the files she had only recently decided could wait till the next morning. Files were good, files were trusted companions in trying not to think about anything too personal.

Only this time, they, too, deserted her.

She leaned back in her chair with a frustrated sigh when a glance at the clock told her she hadn’t managed to complete even two files in what was almost an hour. So much for burying herself in her work. Helen ran her fingers through her hair in an agitated gesture she’d thought she’d long left behind. Maybe she shouldn’t have left. No, most definitely she shouldn’t have left. Certainly not like that, not with giving Kate what in the end came down to a cold shoulder.

But damn it, she had a right to be frustrated, too! She had wanted to spend the night with Kate, had longed to hold her, to be held. She had wanted, just for one night, to forget about all that seemed to be wrong right now, that whole pile of messy chaotic emotions. It was a huge, complicated mess, one she didn’t even know how to start to unravel. And of course Kate just had to add a whole new layer to it, didn’t she?

Helen glared at the folders that just wouldn’t offer anything interesting enough to hold her attention.

Why wouldn’t Kate listen? Why couldn’t she just take what Helen had offered, why did she have to demand more?

This was useless. Rising from behind her desk, Helen circled her office and switched off the lights one after another. She’d been wrong to storm off like that, no matter how frustrated she’d been. Sure, Kate should not have acted the way she did. But Kate was just trying to make ‘things’ right, too. And she was the older one, more experienced. She should have had her emotions under control. Surely they were capable of talking about this like two rational adults, right?

~~~

Right.

Her knuckles turned white where she gripped the door knob as Helen stared at the sight of her very much empty bed. She swallowed hard, feeling her pulse quicken as frustration rose, drowning out the pain. Damn it all!

Pulling herself out of her stupor, Helen abruptly crossed the room to get her training outfit. With jerky movements, she pulled a top and a pair of capri pants out of the wardrobe then added a towel. Maybe it was time to blow off some steam.

She growled as she accidentally dropped the towel.

Scratch that. _A lot_ of steam!

~~~

Once in the gym, Helen changed and stretched. Then she ran, racing along the walls like a caged tiger. This wasn’t good enough, not challenging enough. With a growl, Helen changed tactics and turned to the punching bag. She pummelled it with stony fists, sent it swinging with flying kicks, put all her anger, all her frustration into punishing fists and feet and growls and sweat.

She was so far gone that only the startled gasp made her aware of the presence of another. She looked up, then flung her arms around the heavy bag to catch it as it swung back at her like a giant pendulum. Resting her forehead against the smooth leather, skin sticking against the cool surface and heating it up rapidly, Helen waited for her heaving breaths to slow.

When she finally turned around, Kate was standing awkwardly in the door, clinging to the door jamb as if to keep herself in place. It was difficult to say whether she was trying to keep herself from running, or from entering. Helen straightened.

“Come on in.” She took a deep breath and tried a smile. “I don’t bite.”

“Yeah, that much was obvious.”

Kate dropped her towel on a bench, standing in the middle of the room without knowing how to proceed. Then she seemed to notice Helen’s expression.

“Sorry. Shouldn’t have said that,” she said and shrugged, shifting uneasily. “Awkward.”

They stared at each other, the distance between them almost palpable.

“I shouldn’t have left,” Helen finally said, stepping away from the punching bag, just as Kate blurted, “I shouldn’t have pushed.”

They both stopped short, their eyes meeting. The gym had fallen silent around the two of them with the rest of the world asleep - as much as a Sanctuary would ever be asleep. No one was walking around though, no one was talking. Just two lovers, frustrated by their own inability to sort their problems out, meeting as if by mutual agreement to blow off some steam the only way they knew how without each other. To her surprise, Helen felt a grin tug at her lips. Then Kate snorted, and Helen gave in to it.

They grinned at each other; Helen could tell from the way Kate’s posture relaxed that she was just as glad as herself to finally feel the tension lessen after constantly rising for what felt like months.

“Come on, I’ll help you do the warm up,” she offered.

~~~

They worked in wordless tandem for a long while, the silence far less strained than it would have been even an hour earlier. It was a relief, and Helen felt herself relax for the first time in days.

It was when they’d proceeded to training fights, tentative at first but getting more and more serious as they forgot about everything else, that she felt her body react to her lover’s closeness. It didn’t take much to get her all worked up, pun not intended, heated as she already was from her own training. Added to that the frustration their earlier encounter had left her with and she was suddenly very much aware of how the muscles flexed under Kate’s golden brown skin as she moved, the way it glistened with a fine sheen of sweat. Helen loved making Kate sweat, and though she could never get enough of certain other sweat inducing activities, the added adrenaline rush that fighting against Kate provided was almost addictive in combination with the sight and sounds she was treated to.

She charged forward when she saw an opening, throwing Kate down on the mats, pinning her and leaning down to lick along her jugular. Hot and salty, her pulse beating wildly against her tongue, the contact was everything she’d remembered.

It was distracting, too, she realised when, caught completely off-guard, she found herself on her back a moment later, pinned down by her lover. Kate’s knees kept Helen’s hips in a tight hold and she smirked down at her, letting Helen know her thoughts had run along quite similar lines as her own.

“Minx,” Helen growled and, not one to be outsmarted, turned the tables on Kate again. “But you’ve been always quite eager to agree to training fights, haven’t you?”

“I think it was you who suggested turning the cameras off for our fight dates.”

Kate smiled up at her innocently, as innocently as possible with her chest rising and falling with ragged breaths. She was breathing through her mouth, her lips slightly parted; it was tantalising sight and Helen caught herself staring openly. When the pink tip of Kate’s tongue slipped out to wet her lips, Helen caved and crushed her mouth onto Kate’s in a hungry kiss.

“How... about... a compromise?” Kate asked between gasps when they parted, running a shaky hand up Helen’s arm. Helen felt goose bumps raising the fine hair on her skin; whether it was from the caress or the tone of voice Kate had used she didn’t know. Either. Both. It didn’t matter, Kate’s intentions were more than clear in her words as well as her body language. And they fit Helen’s perfectly.

“What are you suggesting?” she asked, lowering her body until her breasts were flattened on top of Kate’s.

“Less toys and a lot of skin on skin action instead.”

Helen grinned.

“Sounds good to me.”

She leaned down for another kiss, groaning when Kate writhed underneath her, sweaty skin gliding over sweaty skin. Wriggling around some more until her hands were resting next to her head, Kate grinned up at her.

“Any chance you’ll still be your bossy self?” she asked, batting her eye lashes at Helen.

The way she was looking up at her, head framed by black strands where her hair had escaped its knot and was stuck against her damp skin, kiss reddened lips daring her to ravish them some more, Helen felt almost giddily happy. Unable to think of anything else, she gripped Kate’s wrists and claimed her mouth in a long, deep kiss. Only when she’d battled her tongue into submission and received a wanton moan as reward did she back off.

“Bossy?” she asked once she’d caught her breath. “I’m sure that can be arranged.”

“Very accommodating.”

Kate gasped as Helen slid down her body, keeping as much contact as possible.

“How about we take this someplace else?”

Her eyes widened when Helen’s tongue dipped into her belly button.

“Oh my.”

She gasped again and bucked up her hips when deft fingers slipped under the waistband of her training shorts a moment later.

“Not yet,” Helen told her, taking hold of Kate’s right hip with her free hand. “I’m planning on ‘accommodating’ some other needs first.”

~~~

This time when Kate felt herself wake up, she kept her eyes closed. The memories of the morning before were fresh in her mind, and she felt familiar emotions well up inside her when listening for any movement promised nothing but an empty room. She bit her lip and steeled herself, then turned her head and looked over at Helen’s nightstand. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw something white peak across the edge. Eagerly, she rolled onto her stomach and stretched to reach for the slip of paper.

At the sight of Helen’s handwriting, a giddy kind of warmth spread through her.

 

_Good morning, darling._

_I hope you slept well? I thought you might like to have a late breakfast; I’ll ask the kitchen to prepare something by nine and have it brought to my office._

_Love, Helen_

Trust Helen to consider nine o’clock late for breakfast. Kate pressed her face into Helen’s pillow to hide her smile. Breakfast sounded really good today.

~~~

Helen couldn’t have been more relaxed. It felt really good to have a midmorning break and enjoy a proper cup of tea; it felt even better with Kate sitting across from her, slightly sleep-rumpled still, devouring her breakfast. Helen put down her cup and leaned back, watching Kate lick her fingertips after eating her croissant. She enjoyed sharing breakfast with Kate, having a bit of quiet time to themselves. Her old friend had prepared a tray for them and she’d set up its contents on the little table in her office just in time for Kate to arrive and share a quick, or not so quick, good morning kiss. Afterwards, they’d spent a comfortable while eating breakfast, lightly discussing this and that.

As much as she enjoyed the easy company, though, they had something else they still needed to discuss and Helen didn’t believe in putting off discussions. She waited until Kate had swallowed the last of her orange juice, then leaned forward slightly, catching her attention.

“I enjoyed last night very much,” she said, trying to ease into the delicate subject she was about to broach. “Well, at least the second half.”

Kate smiled.

“Yes. That was a very nice second half.”

Helen reached for her hand as she answered her smile, tightening her grip for a moment before her thumb began to caress the back of Kate’s hand.

“I still think we should talk about what happened.”

Kate shrugged.

“We fought. We made up. What’s there to talk about?”

“It’s not that simple, Kate.”

Helen kept her voice calm. Kate tugged at her hand, but Helen tightened her grip, though it was symbolic more than anything else. Kate threw her a look.

“And what, pray tell, is that complicated about a lover’s spat?”

Her voice had taken on _that_ tone, the one that chuffed right through Helen’s patience. The one that made frustration rise inside her quicker than almost anything else.

“Oh I don’t know,” Helen retorted, letting go of Kate’s hand in favour of sitting straighter. “How about the way you tensed into the perfect embodiment of a _log_ after practically begging me to tie you up?”

“That’s not true!” Kate protested heatedly.

“No? Then what? What happened, Kate? Please explain it to an innocent bystander because, by god, that’s exactly what it looked like to me!”

“You becoming all testy, that’s what happened,” Kate spat, jumping up. Her chair flew back, toppling to the floor with a bang. Neither of them paid it any heed. “As soon as someone doesn’t play by your rules you're all miffed. Something not going according to your almighty plans? You leave.” She glared as Helen rose as well, crossing her arms in front of her.

“I didn’t realise I needed a plan to spend the night with my partner,” Helen told her coldly.

Kate snorted.

“Yeah, sure. Whatever.”

Helen stared at her, then sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, forcing herself to calm down. This was not going the way she had intended.

“Kate-”

“I’m sorry,” Kate brushed her off, trying to push past her, “it’s time for the feedings and it’s my turn - as you well know since you assigned them.”

Helen stopped her with a hand to her arm before she could get too far.

“They can easily wait some ten minutes!” She could feel herself losing her temper again rapidly. “As _you_ well know, seeing how you’ve made them wait far longer than that before.”

At her tone, Kate turned, throwing daggers at her with her eyes.

“What do you want, Helen? You blew up the Sanctuary, you blew up your _self_ , you planned this for over a hundred years and didn’t trust me with even one word, not even so much as an “Everything will be fine, Kate.” But maybe I shouldn’t be surprised, after all you sent me into another’s arms without one word of protest, without so much as a blink of an eye!”

She gave a half-choked sob.

“Fuck!” she cursed, tugging her arm out of Helen’s grip. She was breathing erratically, her cheeks burning. Helen had never seen her like this before.

“You sent me away and you made me watch you die and now you want everything to be alright? I’m sorry, _Doctor Magnus_ , you might be used to getting your way but that’s not how it works!”

She turned abruptly and stormed off, leaving Helen to stare after her, her heart beating painfully against her ribs.

“Damn it, Kate,” she whispered, clenching her fists in an uncharacteristic display of emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter header by featherxquill!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ve got a meeting with Ranna tomorrow,” Helen finally called up the last topic of the meeting. “Will, you’ll be in charge while I’m gone. It shouldn’t take more than two days. Henry, I need you to put the updated information together. Plans, calculations, sketches... Everything we’ve come up with and discussed so far.” She scanned the list in her hands. “Oh, and Ranna asked about details on the status of the external shielding. I’ll put together a summary of the situation, but I need you to add your status on what is still salvageable, technology-wise.”

Henry nodded, typing some points into his tablet. “Sure thing, doc. I’ll have them for you first thing in the morning.”

“At the latest, please,” Helen added. “I’ll be leaving early.”

“Anything I should have an eye on, Magnus?” Will asked. “Apart from those spunky kids lurking around the northern cavern exit - I’m not going to let any of them go unsupervised, anyway. Up or below, lurking teenagers are trouble.”

“Speaking from experience, Will?” Kate teased, speaking up for the first time that morning.

“Not at all,” he retorted. “I skimmed your file for some bedtime reading.”

Smiling at their easy banter, Helen decided to intervene as Kate flipped Will the bird.

“Apart from that group, nothing. I’ve let the heads know I’ll be unavailable and told them to put anything on hold that needs special attention. Barring an emergency, you should be able to keep everything running smoothly.”

She pushed back from her desk, looking at each of them in turn.

“Anything else?” she asked. “Otherwise we’re done for today.”

~~~

“A moment, Kate?” Helen asked when everyone began to file out of the room. Kate stopped at the door, half turning back.

“Yes?”

Helen hesitated. Suddenly her earlier idea didn’t seem so great anymore.

“I thought maybe you’d like to accompany me?” she asked nonetheless, flattening her palms onto the smooth surface of her desk. “See what we’ve accomplished so far?”

Kate eyed her, her fingers flexing around the door knob. Her free hand twitched, telling Helen she was about to say something, but then she just shook her head, averting her eyes.

“No, thank you.”

The seconds dragged as neither spoke, both unsure on how to proceed.

“If that’s all?” Kate finally asked.

“Yes,” Helen said with forced nonchalance. Since when was this so bloody hard? How come she couldn’t seem to find the words that would make everything alright again? She was good with words, she always knew exactly what to say. “Sure.”

Where were those words now?

“Right. See you later then?” Kate asked, though her tone suggested she wasn’t entirely sure whether she wanted to know the answer or not.

“Of course,” Helen replied quietly. She sank down into her chair, catching herself at wishing Kate had left already. It was a foreign thought, one that hurt considerably.

“Bye then,” Kate said just as quietly, leaving the room and closing the door carefully.

Staring blankly at the pile of folders on her desk, Helen sighed. She needed to find those words, and soon.

~~~

She’d collected data for Ranna. She’d led a meeting with those involved in controlling the exits, realising once more that there were a lot of open or possibly open exit points they hadn’t yet checked, let alone under their control. They really needed that substitute system Henry was working on. After that rather sobering meeting, Helen had worked through a pile of complaints from new residents, taken care of several malfunctioning habitats and answered questions left and right on the way.

She _still_ didn’t know what to say to Kate. But at least she’d resolved herself to having this talk, and not a day later. Or three, as would be the case if she left without trying to resolve their dispute.

Thus, after a quick detour to the kitchen, she now found herself in the hall outside the observation room that Kate had dubbed ‘The Play Room’, checking the little display to see whether her partner really was where she was supposed to be early on Wednesday evenings. It came as no surprise to find ‘Kate Freelander, stenopelhabbilis + turtle bear, 6-7 pm’ displayed; Kate took her responsibility for Ralphie quite seriously.

~~~

Kate turned when the door swished shut behind her, eyeing first Helen and then the mug in her hand.

“Peace offering?” she asked dryly as Helen held it out to her, taking the mug nonetheless.

“Do I need one?” Helen asked quietly. Kate seemed to be somewhat more relaxed, which was good, but there was also a sense of exhaustion to her bearing that Helen didn’t like at all.

Shooting her a look, Kate raised the mug as if to hide behind it, hesitating slightly.

“No.”

She breathed in deeply, humming. After taking a tentative sip, she turned back toward the window. Helen joined her, observing the exuberantly playing stenopelhabbilis surrounded by a group of turtle bears young enough to coax a smile onto her lips with their clumsy frolicking jumps.

Kate took another sip of the hot brew, slurping audibly. After smacking her lips, she added: “Anyway, then I’d need one as well, and I didn’t bring any tea.”

“Too bad.”

Helen stepped forward to look at the scene below them.

“I’ll make it up to you,” Kate promised into her mug. There was some more slurping, then another satisfied smacking of lips. “You even remembered my special marshmallows. You totally earned it!”

Helen couldn’t help but smile at that.

This time the silence between them was comfortable, not strained.

“If I had my way, I’d never let you go,” Helen finally said, reluctant to risk the peaceful mood but still determined to resolve at least that point of discontent between them. She hadn’t intended it, quite the contrary, but she had hurt Kate with her actions - or inaction, as it was - and that wasn’t acceptable.

Kate harrumphed, staring into her by now empty mug.

“You have a funny way of showing that.”

Helen turned to look at her, resting her hip against the banister in front of the huge windows.

“There are so many experiences to be made out there, Kate, I know that better than anyone. I didn’t want to hold you back.”

“Maybe I wanted you to hold me back.”

“You say that now. But I couldn’t have lived with myself if a few decades down the line you had one day woken up to realise what you’d missed, because of me,” Helen said, only to feel Kate bristle.

“Don’t you think that’s for me to decide? Isn’t that one of the experiences you hold so dear? And anyway, aren’t you the one who offered Will ‘the adventures of many lifetimes’?” Kate made quotation marks with her fingers. At Helen’s surprised expression, she crossed her arms and glared. “What? We talk. From time to time.”

Shaking her head, Helen told herself to focus on the important part.

“I just...” she began, only to trail off, unable to find an argument to refute Kate’s point other than ‘I’m older, I know better.’ And really, did she? Kate was right, she couldn’t tell her what experiences to make. No one could. But the thought that she might be the reason Kate could miss out on something...

“I’ve lived and loved for a long time, Kate,” she tried anew. Reaching out, she brushed her knuckles against the other woman’s cheek, urging her to look at her. “And chances are I’ll continue even after you’re gone. How could I possibly ask you to give the rest of your life to me when for me it’s-” - _but a few decades._ She was unable to force the words past her lips, unwilling to even try.

Kate’s disbelieving stare quickly morphed into anger. Not the explosive kind she usually displayed – it was deep, slowly but unstoppably burning, rising. Her eyes hard, she took hold of Helen’s wrist and brought it to her lips. Helen watched, unable to reconcile the emotion burning in Kate’s eyes with the tender gesture of her lips on her skin – until, never once breaking eye contact, Kate sank her teeth into the heel of Helen’s hand. The pressure built, slowly, painfully, just as unstoppable as the anger it conveyed, until Helen couldn’t help but give a pained gasp. The pain stayed with her a few heart beats longer, then Kate let go, leaving angry red teeth marks and jumbled emotions behind.

“Stop being such a drama queen!”

Eyes widening, Helen pulled back, indignation rearing up inside her. Kate was quicker, though.

“I’ll only say this once: You better start looking for your egoistical side because I _will_ kick your ass if I can’t have you for as long as I want!”

Helen snorted, taken by surprise, her indignation evaporating. Well, two could work on breaking the tension.

“Kick my ass?” she teased, twisting her hand to grip Kate’s chin and pull her into a bruising kiss. Pulling back slightly a heart stopping moment later, she purred: “Did you forget who kicked your ass the last time we sparred?”

Then, very deliberately, she closed her teeth around Kate’s lower lip, sinking them into the soft flesh and pulling until she heard a breathy sigh. Following the tug on her lip, Kate leaned in, wrapping her arms around Helen’s neck as soon as she was free again. She embraced her tightly, pressing her cheek against her collar bone and holding on for dear life.

“I let you win,” she whispered when Helen returned her embrace and pressed her face into her hair, causing her to muffle her chuckles in the dark locks.

~~~

Finishing the playtime hour and separating Ralphie from his friends was a challenge, every single time. This time, thankfully, it was somewhat easier, with both of them working together, and quicker as well. Kate still gave a relieved sigh as she brushed her hair out of her heated face.

“Thank god that’s done. I really don’t know why I bother working out. I could just organise a second play date each week and be done with it.”

Helen laughed, straightening her clothes.

“I think you should keep working out. You need every hour you can get to keep up with Ralphie.”

“Hey, are you saying I’m slacking off?” Kate asked in playful indignation as she picked up her empty mug, ready to leave.

“Never.”

Kate grinned at the challenge. She closed the door to Ralphie’s ‘room’ and turned around to face Helen. Then, without so much as a warning but very much deserved because of that smirk, she threw her against the wall, mug clinking against stone and breathless ‘oomph’ included, and proceeded to snog her senseless.

“Well?” she asked after pulling back, only to decide that it had been too soon. Helen wasn’t quite as ruffled looking as she was supposed to. Ruffled Helen was very... endearing. Well, there was always next time.

“I guess Ralphie would be a handful for everyone,” Helen conceded nonetheless.

“That’s better!”

~~~

They were about to part in front of the elevator, when Helen stopped Kate with a light touch to her arm.

“Kate-”

Kate smiled at her.

“See you later in your room?” she asked.

“I don’t think I’ll have time for sleep tonight,” Helen said apologetically and even though her regret seemed genuine, Kate’s smile dimmed. “But-”

Kate tried not to let her disappointment show.

“Yes?”

“Well, my offer still stands.”

Kate tensed.

“To see Ranna?”

“Yes.”

Suddenly she was unable to meet Helen’s eyes, finding her gaze drifting down the corridor behind her instead.

“I, um, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Shifting her weight awkwardly, she looked back at Helen. Seeing her expression carefully levelled, she added hastily: “I mean, I’d like to. Accompany you I mean. But I, I think I’d like some time alone. To think.”

“I see.” Helen sighed. “I’ll see you in two days time, then.”

She smiled, if a bit sadly. Kate nodded, feeling bad for refusing Helen’s invitation, twice.

“I’ll be waiting.”

“That’d be nice.”

After a light caress to her cheek that was far from their usual kiss goodbye, Helen left, leaving Kate to bite her lip and fight the urge to call her back and cling to her and never let go. Or maybe just to say ‘yes’.

~~~

Contrary to her earlier prediction, Helen found herself free of any work by barely 3 am. Deciding to take it as the chance it was, she found herself directing her steps quickly to her rooms. She wasn’t tired, but spending at least a few hours with Kate in her arms was quite an appealing prospect.

As she got closer to her rooms, she felt her stomach clench in anticipation. Despite telling herself not to think about the fact that, much to her chagrin, Kate seemed to spend more and more nights in her own room, she still paused with one hand on the door knob. While Kate had rarely spent a night in her own bed back at the old Sanctuary, if at all, that had changed since she’d come here. Now, unless they retreated to her rooms together, Helen found her own bed untouched more and more often in the mornings following work-filled nights.

She turned the knob, slowly pushing the door open so as not to make a sound and disturb Kate should she be asleep. It was a cloudy, moonless night, and the room was completely dark. From her vantage point, Helen couldn’t make out whether the bed was occupied or empty. Surprised by the way her stomach churned, not a sensation she felt often anymore, Helen stepped inside, closing the door behind herself.

As their relationship had progressed, more and more often Helen had surprised Kate in her rooms when she came in during the night, to change clothes, or sleep against her expectations. At first, she’d lie sleeping on Helen’s couch where she’d apparently waited in the hopes of Helen changing her mind and retiring to bed. After Helen had insisted Kate sleep in the bed instead the second time it happened - the first time she had been distracted by very eager, very exhausting sex -, she would find her cocooned in her sheets, holding Helen’s pillow close. It was an endearing picture, even more so since she was quite sure Kate didn’t do it consciously.

At some point, she had started to check her own bed first when she unexpectedly found herself with a free night. And apparently she wasn’t the only one noticing this, for one day Kate’s sleepwear started appearing in her wardrobe, cleaned and pressed, soon accompanied by a few changes of clothes. When one morning Kate confessed that she didn’t even go to her own room first anymore, Helen had made sure to express her approval very thoroughly.

Smiling at the memory, Helen tiptoed across the wood floor in an attempt to silence her heels. She stopped short and bit her lip when her bed turned out to be empty, completely untouched. She’d been almost afraid of this, of another proof of how much the distance had grown between her and Kate. Now she had it.

She stared at the empty bed, blinking against the pain the sight caused her. It was a burning pain, a burning in her lungs that seemed to press down on her, made it difficult to breath. Fear, Helen realized, startled. It was fear she felt, fear of losing Kate. She could feel her slipping away; it seemed no matter what she tried, she just couldn’t seem to tighten her grip, to hold on.

Turning abruptly, Helen fled from her own room without so much as touching anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isn't that chapter header just adorable?^^ Again, by featherxquill!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate had woken late, groggy as hell and with quite a temper. She was a grouch when she couldn’t sleep well. And, damn it all, she _didn’t_ sleep well in her own bed. God, that sounded wrong. She was supposed to sleep like a baby in her own bed, wasn’t she? But the fact was she had gotten quite used to the huge, comfy bed in Helen’s rooms, to the soft sheets and heavenly pillow. She was spoiled.

She didn’t allow herself to even consider the possibility that, nice as they were, it was neither the mattress, the sheets, nor the pillow that had her spoiled but the one whose scent lingered on them, in the whole room even. Nope.

Two cups of coffee later, Kate felt at least remotely close to being able to deal with the day and its occupants. It probably was as close to ‘able’ as she would get that day. She wasn’t exactly eager to meet or, god forbid, interact with other people right then, but at least the thought of being occupied with their requests was inviting. Perhaps a little bit of interaction would be bearable if in turn it kept her from realising how empty the Sanctuary felt without Helen.

Which was ridiculous, of course. The new premises were so huge she sometimes didn’t see Helen all day. Hell, she could very well have decided to skip the trip and be around, still. Without Helen telling her, Kate would’ve been none the wiser.

And still here she was, carrying wood and rocks and whatever other habitat decorating items the Big Guy pointed her to, trying to ignore the loneliness she felt. She was an independent, strong woman! Why did the situation hurt so much? It wasn’t supposed to! She wasn’t supposed to be this invested, not into any relationship, not into something that would make her this vulnerable.

She dumped the armful of rocks on the ground, brushing stray hair out of her sweat dampened face. She should have stayed away from Helen, should have kept her distance, exactly because of this! But no, of course she had let herself be lured in by Helen bloody Magnus. And of course things had turned out exactly the way she’d feared. Here she was, all invested where it seemed that Helen was not. Hurting, hurting, hurting...

“Ouch!” she yelped when a cuff to her head broke her out of her thoughts.

“Wrong corner,” the Big Guy huffed, pointing to where the rocks were supposed to be piled.

“No need to get violent,” Kate grumbled, ducking her head to avoid a second cuff. Maybe she should come up with a concept for another team training. ‘Cuffing gently’, maybe, or ‘How to show your co-workers respect without torturing them’. Yeah, that one had potential!

~~~

When dinner time finally came around, they had managed to construct two new habitats and had also rearranged one whose original design had not been to its occupants’ satisfaction. Who knew blue-tongued lizards could stare that pointedly?

Carrying tons of stuff around had left her with numb arms and hands and a faint crick to her neck that had nothing to do with her trying to lift too much. Not at all. She was still relieved when dinner was finally over and she could flee from the Big Guy’s amused stare. As if she was stupid enough to try and outlift him. Phh.

Without thinking about it, she trudged along the halls until she reached her lover’s rooms, heaving a huge relieved sigh when the door closed behind her, closing her off from the rest of the Sanctuary and all the demands she might feel obligated to answer in Helen’s stead. It was quiet here, and homey. It smelled good. It smelled like Helen.

Kate stood, her eyes closed, and breathed deeply as she slowly rotated her shoulders. Warm and comfy and Helen. She wanted to smile, but her mouth didn’t quite agree, listening more closely to the painful tug in her stomach that told her she was supposed to spend the night in her own room, far from anything smell-worthy and dependency inducing.

With a swift cuff to its head, she kissed that notion goodbye, at least for tonight. Who would have thought? She might have just learnt something today. Cuffs to the head were good for silencing unwelcome voices.

Smiling now, Kate turned and walked to the bathroom without ever turning on the light. She was even able to enjoy the fact that she didn’t need to, being quite at home here and familiar enough with the outlay of the room. Heh.

~~~

Kate undressed slowly, carefully, while the water gushed out of the tap, hot, slowly but surely filling the tub. Picking one of her favourite scents from the collection of jaws on one of the shelves, Kate breathed deeply as she watched the golden liquid swirl and dissolve in the water, colouring it a soft golden hue. Within minutes, the room was clouded with steam, warm and heavy-scented and comforting. She hadn’t paid much attention to her olfactory senses until she had met Helen - now she was almost addicted to certain scents, capable of identifying several different perfumes and oils she’d never heard of before entering Helen’s world. And Helen had so many, many more to discover...

With a heavy sigh, Kate stepped into the tub, sinking slowly into the hot water. It was a large tub, spacious for two and more than generous for one alone. It was, she could say that from very well-founded experience, perfect for spending time in Helen’s arms.

Closing her eyes and breathing in the comforting scent of the bathing oil, Kate smiled as she recalled the first time she’d shared a bath with Helen. She’d made her choose the bathing oil when Kate had stood unmoving, somewhat shy in this foreign situation; she’d been used to sharing showers, but baths...? Glad to have something to do, Kate had found herself faced with a mind-boggling collection of various bathing oils and salts, colourful labels calling out scents she’d never heard of before. She’d chosen the same as this time, lured by the beautifully drawn label whispering about the warm caress of ‘amber’. And while she’d tried many other scents at various other occasions, this one remained one of her favourites; it would always remind her of the gentle care Helen had shown her that first time as she’d lured her out from behind her shyness, persuaded her to explore like she explored, to cherish like she cherished, to worship.

There were many things about Helen Kate had come to worship that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cozy (or romantic, depends on your mood ;) chapter header by featherxquill


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bath had been heavenly, and she’d slept far better spending the night in Helen’s rooms. Her mood that morning, correspondingly, had been far better than the day before.

Until lunch, when it became clear that Helen wouldn’t return for probably another day. Her mood had taken a rapid tumble toward grouchiness, to say it nicely, and it was thus that she found herself inventorying their special needs food stores next to Will in silence, complete with uncomfortableness and thoughtful glances.

It worked quite well for Kate.

“You’re looking peeved today.”

Not so much for Will.

“Didn’t sleep well.”

Which wasn’t a lie, kind of. Maybe a white lie. She certainly wasn’t interested in having a ‘deep and meaningful’ with Will Zimmerman, Sanctuary head shrink.

“Do you have trouble sleeping lately?” he asked. Kate tried to chase away the blooming realisation of not being able to _not_ have this conversation by mentally giving it a cuff to the head. The method had worked before, after all.

“I’m fine,” Kate tried to brush it off.

Will paused and looked at her, then shrugged and continued to scan the shelf for hawk crab shells.

“There seems to be a lot of tension between the two of you lately,” he observed, finally finding the elusive box two shelves up. Kate scowled.

“We’re fine,” she adapted her earlier strategy, then cursed herself for betraying what was currently keeping her mind busy. She’d never get him to back off this way.

“How many?” she asked, trying to change the topic.

“Are you?” he asked back instead, then peeked inside the box and added far too quickly “Twenty-seven.”

She still maintained that his perceptiveness had to count as an abnormal ability, along with his generally dorky expression and his knack for giving the world’s worst imitation of a British accent. She jotted the number down, adding a ‘requisition more’ next to it, then read the next item, ignoring his question.

“Hazelnut roots, dried?”

Will threw a look at the shelf next to his feet.

“Three unopened boxes. One”- he lifted the lid -“half full.”

“I thought you accepted the necessity for Magnus keeping this a secret,” he added as she filled the info in.

“Says the one who gave her hell for months for not letting him in on it,” Kate bit back. “Heavy bats, roasted?”

“Yes, but you seemed perfectly alright with it and now... not so much. Three large glasses, unopened.”

Kate snorted.

“What’s not to be alright with? Having _another_ one hundred and thirteen years of catching up to do? Not knowing how many more things have happened during that time that she might never tell me about? Or wondering whether it’s because there’ll never be time to talk about it or because she thinks it’s just not important?”

She jotted the number down, cursing when the paper tore under her pen.

“Hungarian Horntail scales, grounded,” she demanded.

Will ignored it, bestowing an uncomfortably unwavering look upon her instead.

“You don’t have to know every aspect of her past to know _her_ , Kate.”

“You are the one who still hasn’t stopped asking about people she might or might not have met,” she said, peeved.

“That’s because I’m curious, and fascinated. That any mind might be able to deal with this ungraspable amount of memories and experiences is...” He broke off when he noticed he was letting himself get carried away. “Is fascinating,” he finished lamely.

Kate stared down at her notepad. He was right. She’d never seen him sulk because Helen had refused to answer one of his questions. It wasn’t personal for him.

“I don’t want to know every aspect,” she said quietly.

“But you want her to tell you.”

“I want her to _want_ to tell me.”

He studied her as if trying to decide how to phrase his answer.

“Would you want to tell someone who made bets about your past?”

Kate cringed. Maybe Helen had been right, maybe making bets about it with Henry hadn’t been very respectful. But it had been... comfortable, and fun.

“Maybe you should tune down the hero worshipping a peck or two,” Will suggested gently when she didn’t answer.

It made Kate bristle nonetheless.

“I don’t ‘hero worship’!”

“No? So you don’t ask yourself if you can live up to being the independent, strong, ’kicking ass since 1850’ Helen Magnus’ partner?”

Damn him and his scary perceptiveness.

“Well, she _is_ special,” she protested.

Will nodded agreeably.

“She still has insecurities, too.”

Kate sighed.

“I noticed.”

“Good,” Will said. Then, deliberately bright, he added: “Come on. ‘Hungarian Horntail scales, grounded’ and then we call it a day. I think a night at the bar is in order, how about you?”

Kate took a deep breath and nodded. She was more than ready for a change of topic.

“I’m in.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Contrary to the slow pace at which the meetings had proceeded the day before, Ranna and Helen had been able to finish the items scheduled for the second day in time for Helen to travel back that same day after all. It was a relief to Helen, who didn’t feel comfortable leaving the Sanctuary ‘alone’ with all its current issues. She was somewhat disappointed, though, to discover that Kate had left to spend the evening at the bar with Will and Henry.

Well, there was an upside to almost everything. At least this way Helen had actually been able to get quite some work done by the time she heard the general noise and fuss of her team returning home - drunk. There was some calling back and forth as they parted ways in the hall outside her rooms, then a loud and enthusiastic rhythm was knocked against her door, which opened to let Kate stumble in.

“Honey,” she hollered, marching through the room and plopping down on one of the visitors’ chairs in front of the desk. “I’m ho-ome!”

“I had a feeling you might be.”

Helen closed her pen, placing it gently on her journal to look up just as Kate twisted her head in bewilderment.

“Oh! I meant to cuddle with the couch!” She giggled. “This is your desk - I think I missed it.”

She turned back with a wide grin.

“I missed your couch, Helen!” She giggled again, cheeks glowing. “But I missed you lots more! Next time you have to come with us! Promise?”

Calling her state dishevelled would have been similar to calling the New Sanctuary an unusual building. It took some effort, but Helen managed not roll her eyes at Kate’s exuberance. Just what she’d expected when she’d returned earlier, only to be told that Will and Henry had taken Kate out for a ‘night of fun and letting loose’. Kate was definitely ‘loose’ now.

“It seems I might have to, if I want this place to exist some while longer,” Helen observed, resting her elbows on the desk and resting her chin on one fist. “Dare I ask how your evening went?”

“Peachy!” Kate grinned. She grew somewhat more sober when she noticed Helen’s levelled expression. “What, I can’t get tipsy anymore?”

Helen snorted, amused.

“Try ‘totally wasted’.”

She couldn’t deny that ‘tipsy’ Kate was rather cute, so very unlike her usual self. She wasn’t about to let Kate know how much amusement these conversations caused her, though.

“Don’t be such a party pooper, Helen. I’m ‘slightly drunk’ at most!”

Helen bit her cheeks and gave her a stern look.

_“You_ are clearly aiming for a sound spanking, young lady!” she said. As soon as the words had left her mouth, she leaned back with a tiny jerk of her head, surprised at her own words. Her eyes widened in discomfort. “On second thought-”

“No, please!” Kate interrupted her, leaning forward until she sat perched on the edge of her chair, looking at her imploringly.

“Kate-” Helen broke off, then tried anew. “We already tried that.”

“I know. But I’m better now! Please! Come on, you want to play, too. You suggested it!”

Helen looked down at her journal, feeling torn. She knew what Kate wanted to say, what she hoped for. Playing scenes always created a special intimacy, a special closeness.

It also had the potential for causing more harm than good as they’d learnt the hard way not too long ago. She still berated herself for not listening to her bad feeling then. There was no bad feeling now, only a sense of sadness, but that was because she knew now what the problem was.

“I’m sorry, Kate. Right now I can’t say for certain that either of us will open up enough to tell if something goes wrong. I will not risk harming you only to force back what I desperately wish was still there.”

She stood, walking around the desk to be closer to Kate, to urge her to understand.

“Give it time, Kate,” she said, holding out her hand to her and pulling her up when she took it reluctantly. Her own heart beat painfully at the crestfallen look on the younger woman’s face and she embraced her impulsively, holding her as tightly as possible.

“Trust has to grow,” she murmured, feeling as if she was trying to soothe them both. She slowly stroked her hand up and down Kate’s back as her lover clung to her. “But it _will_ grow again. We _will_ get through this, Kate. You’re far too important to me to give up.”

“I am?”

Kate’s question was mumbled against her shoulder, muffled so much it was barely discernible. Helen’s heart clenched.

“You are,” she confirmed firmly.

She felt Kate sniff quietly, but still she relaxed against her shoulder. Helen smiled, relieved.

“Until then, I suggest you start a list.”

“A list?” Kate asked, not moving but with curiousness tainting her voice.

“A list,” Helen repeated, trying to hide her smile from her own voice and to slip on her stern demeanour. “A tidy sheet of paper on which you write down your delinquencies and which you will present on request.”

There was a pause, then she heard a muffled moan as Kate accepted the order as what it was - and realised what it meant.

“May I also list my good deeds, Ma’am?” she asked against Helen’s shoulder, choosing one of the formal titles she sometimes used to indicate her wish to play, or to flirt. Helen chuckled.

“Do you expect to have a lot to make up for, pet?” she teased, knowing full well that Kate probably would have to do exactly that if Helen set her mind to it. It felt good using that specific moniker again.

When Kate nodded, Helen released her from her embrace.

“I’m sure we’ll come to a mutual agreement.”

She kissed her chastely, a caress meant to comfort more than to ignite passion.

“Come on, let’s get you a glass of water and a bed.”

“With you in it?” Kate asked, looking at her with cute puppy dog eyes, betraying the fact that, no matter how sober she’d appeared mere minutes ago, there was quite a large amount of alcohol running through her bloodstream still.

“The water?” Helen teased, chuckling when Kate stuck her tongue out at her.

“The bed.”

“Most certainly,” Helen confirmed. “Someone has to make sure you stay and sleep off your insobriety, after all.”

~~~

It had been the right decision, Helen decided as they made their way through the Sanctuary. They weren’t ready for scenes yet. She tightened her hold on Kate, smiling when her lover seemed to melt against her. A quick glance showed her with a wide smile that said she was just as happy as Helen felt, still basking in the giddy warmth their conversation had instilled.

Maybe they were further along the road than she’d dared to hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With another header created by the awesome featherxquill!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was late, the halls silent and dark. Helen had migrated from her desk to the sofa in front of the hearth, still going through files that apparently wouldn’t ever stop piling up on her desk. She was used to this, though, sitting and reading in the quiet night. It was relaxing. She was very glad that she had decided on incorporating another hearth in her office when she’d designed the new Sanctuary. Hearths and candles had accompanied her all her life, being a source of comfort like few other things; a constant that she could always fall back on to relieve the stress, to shut out the world when it all got just that little bit too much. Its warmth was soothing, its flickering and cracking almost meditative. It was a way of taking her past with her, keeping it close. How many times had she watched as James stoked a fire in the hearth, telling her to get comfortable for a long night filled with friendly talks and scientific discussions. How often had they held each other in silence, watching the fire dance in front of them as they’d drawn strength from each other’s company. How many nights had she spent on rugs in front of fire places, the yellow light of burning logs dancing across her lovers’ skin, making their hair glow and their smiles radiant. And how often had wax touched skin, eliciting gasps of pain and pleasure, darkening eyes and curling toes... She loved playing with fire, in every sense of the word, and it was a companion she would always hold dear.

Helen smiled at her own thoughts, turning back to the folder in her hand. She wanted to get some work done tonight, after all.

~~~

Apparently, though, it wasn’t to be. She had just found her place in the text again when she heard the low creak of a door opening. Craning her neck to look at the door, she was surprised to see Kate peek around it.

“Kate!” She smiled, bewildered. “Is something wrong?”

Taking the greeting as the invitation it was, Kate slipped fully inside and closed the door diligently, before scurrying across the room. She was wearing her pyjamas, thick woollen socks, and nothing else apparently. Helen couldn’t help but notice that her hair was tousled, her eyes puffed and red as she came to stand in front of her, obviously unsure.

“Hey,” Helen said tenderly, worried at the sight. She placed the folder aside and reached for Kate’s hands, pulling her down onto her lap. “What happened?”

She didn’t get an answer, though. Instead, Kate threw her arms around her, burying her face in her neck and clinging tightly to her. It was very unlike Kate, and it caused Helen’s unease to grow. Something was definitely wrong. She returned Kate’s embrace instinctively, holding her lover and trying to calm her with slow, wide strokes across her back, again and again, her own thoughts racing. The cotton of the pyjama was still warm under her hands, Kate’s face heated where it was pressed against her neck. Astonished, Helen felt a tale-telling wetness spread on her shoulder; Kate was crying!

“Shh,” she soothed, trying to calm her own racing heart as well. “It’s alright, Kate. Everything is alright.”

She heard a strangled sob and swallowed at the pain obvious in the way Kate clung to her.

“Nightmare?” she asked gently, not stopping to move her hand across Kate’s back. Kate nodded, sniffling as she tried to calm herself. “Tell me about it,” Helen requested, knowing from experience how hard that could be - and how much it could help.

“I saw you,” Kate said hoarsely, her voice somewhat muffled against Helen’s shoulder. She made no attempt to disentangle herself from her lover, though, nor to loosen her grip even in the slightest. “I saw you burn!”

Helen closed her eyes against the pain, tightening her hold on the younger woman.

“Oh Kate.”

“I stood outside and saw the Sanctuary explode. I saw you burning within but I could do nothing-”

“I’m okay,” Helen whispered, her own voice raspy with emotions. Her lover shivered in her arms, sobbing again. Helen could feel her bury her face even deeper in her hair; Kate’s voice was so low and muffled that she almost didn’t hear her next words.

“I lost you.”

Her lover’s broken words tore at Helen’s heart, taking her breath away and causing tears to run down her cheeks.

“No, Kate,” she whispered, “I’m here! You didn’t lose me, I’m here, I’m alright.”

They clung to each other, sharing their pain, sharing the desperation they had both been fighting.

“I’m alright. You didn’t lose me. We’re here, we’re both here and we’re both alright.” She kept repeating those words like a mantra, waiting for her own tears to subside and her lover to calm. “It’s alright.” She rocked them back and forth ever so slightly, rubbing her hand up and down Kate’s back, soothing, calming, holding on.

“I need you,” she finally heard Kate whisper. Skin brushed against skin as she turned her face until she could press her lips against Helen’s jaw, under her ear, on her cheekbone. “I need you.”

“You have me,” Helen reassured her, closing her eyes and turning her head until her cheek rested against Kate’s.

“I promise.”

~~~

Their night had been short, and they were both a bit bleary eyed after falling asleep on the sofa. Neither of the two regretted spending the night in each other’s arms, though, glad for being able to find comfort in the other’s presence once more.

Now it was Wednesday, it was team meeting, and Henry was going on and on about his doohickeys.

Kate worked hard to swallow a yawn, clenching her jaw to keep her mouth closed. She wasn’t all that successful apparently, judging by the look Helen threw her, but at least Henry didn’t seem to have noticed anything. He just kept going. If only he were talking about weapons at least! But no, he’d been super busy since his arrival down here, trying to get a multitude of last minute alignments done, now that the system was suddenly tested to its full capacity. He was also working on the Praxian security system, or net, as she liked to think of it. And then there was Erica, of course.

Yep, super busy. No new weapons.

Kate opened the pen she’d been playing with and began drawing a weapon on the bottom of her notepad. A super cool weapon, of course. It was long and gleaming. It would be high precision, naturally. Quick to recharge. She grinned. Maybe she should show the drawing to Henry after the meeting. Then again... well, she wasn’t interested in getting teased about it. A pity, really, she might have just been able to remind him of his addiction to high-tech, sleek weapons. And once he’d remembered that, it would be only a matter of time until new weapons would turn up, waiting for her to test them.

Drowning out Henry’s voice, Kate drew an excited Henry dancing around her new kick-ass gun. He was grinning madly, with dark shadows around his eyes. Well, he would be rather sleep-deprived with all those tasks heaped upon him, right? Still, this made him look kind of maniacal. Feeling compassionate, Kate drew a big soft bed in his path, waiting for him to slip under its fluffy covers. Then she added a smiling Erica for good measures, the sheets arching over her swollen belly. Hm. Hopefully she wouldn’t keep Henry awake. But no, she had his best interest in mind as well, she wouldn’t want to cause him to pass on much needed sleep.

Angling her head to get a better look at her scene, Kate added a crib next to the bed. They’d been preparing for the baby for quite some time now. They would have the crib ready and waiting. Yes, that looked quite right.

Her head snapped up at hearing Helen’s voice take over. It was a good thing that she had that instant alert thing going. Being attuned to her lover had its uses!

“Thank you, Henry. Good work. Please come and see me later so we can discuss how to proceed, would you?”

“Sure doc.”

As always, Henry was busying himself with his tablet after his little presentation, a hint of a blush ghosting across his cheeks. Kate grinned. He really wasn’t good with compliments.

“Will, have you had time looking through the latest batch of surface communications?”

Will nodded, shuffling through a stack of papers on his knees.

“Yeah. The situation in London and New York is still the same. Declan says he’s got things in hand, so I guess we don’t have to worry about that, at least. There’s also a number of abnormal sightings that don’t fit the usual behaviour, but with how tight we are with personnel, I don’t see how we could investigate.”

Helen hummed non-committally. Kate grimaced. They all had a hard time leaving the surface problems to the surface, wishing they had more resources to somehow keep up their old job as well. Maybe one day they would be able to find a working balance, establishing networks above and below ground to complement each other. That was a long time ahead, though. Right now it was a struggle to get the basic work done down here, juggling running a Sanctuary and its tasks with smoothing out the last kinks in the systems. As Will had said, those cases would have to be left unattended for now.

“Ah, there it is,” Will interrupted her thoughts, pulling a memo out of his stack of papers. “We had someone from Yellowstone trying to contact you using an old line.”

The announcement caught Helen’s attention.

“Yellowstone?”

“Yes. Apparently there are troubles with a horde of... gold diggers?”

He looked at her questioningly. Concern was obvious in Helen’s eyes as she took the paper from Will, scanning the words quickly.

“Yes,” she said absent-mindedly. “It’s a species distantly related to armadillos. They can smell gold and collect everything shiny. Their scientific name is dorsum aureus, Auri for short, but most know them as gold diggers - an inaccurate translation.”

Having forgotten about her drawing, Kate watched as Helen’s face grew cloudy. That expression boded ill.

“I found a badly harmed Auri female once. Took quite some time until she was healthy enough to be returned to the wild again. I found a horde in Yellowstone for her, probably the horde that’s causing problems now. It’s unlikely that there’d be more than one.”

She looked up, facing her team.

“I need to go there. They’re not equipped to deal with a problem like this.”

“Ah, but Magnus-” Will tried, only to be cut off by Helen.

“I know, Will. But we’ll have to manage. This is important. They should be save in the park, and they’re a docile species. Something has to have happened to them if they are attacking people now.” She paused. “And there’s no one else to take care of the problem.”

She straightened in her seat, all business now.

“Will, compile a list of the most important things. We’ll discuss them before we leave. You’ll have to delegate whatever has to be taken care of until we return. Henry, the same goes for you. Compile a list of the most important issues so you can get to work in the meantime.”

Will didn’t look happy, but nodded nonetheless. Henry immediately began typing, already immersed in his task.

“Kate, I want you to accompany me. Find the best connection to the surface and Yellowsto-”

“Actually, doc,” Henry interrupted, barely stopping his furious typing. “I think Yellowstone has an exit point, doesn’t it?”

“Yes,” Helen agreed. “But it’s documented as having been given up.”

“Yeah, but it still had its shielding. We put it off as priority 4 since it’s so out of the way. But it might be the quickest way to get there.”

Helen nodded thoughtfully.

“Quicker than taking another exit and then travelling all the way to Yellowstone.”

She looked at Kate, pondering the situation.

“It might be hard going, though. If they gave it up that means it hasn’t been maintained for who knows how long.”

Kate shrugged.

“At least this way we’ll find out what its condition is. We can take the globe as far as possible and if we get through we can place the sensors as well. We’d be able to kill two birds with one stone - I like it.”

“I guess it would be a justifiable decision,” Helen acknowledged. “It says here that the horde stopped moving and the area was declared bear activity area - I guess we can afford a little bit of extra time. Alright, we have a plan. If we can’t get through, we’ll have to reroute and take the long way around, but at least then we’ll know that we don’t have to worry about setting up security.”

Kate could tell the decision had been made.

“I’ll pack, boss. Camping gear, stunners, emergency kit, transport box and whatever Henry needs us to install for the security grid - anything else?”

“Go to storage and ask them to give you a Praxian tunnel globe. They’re used to build new tunnels; we might need one in case of a cave in. And reserve a globe to get us as close to the tunnel as possible.”

“Aye boss,” Kate replied, already planning the details of their equipment. Helen gave a curt nod, then stood, the rest of her team rising with her.

“Right then. Henry, we’ll discuss security and energy in half an hour. Will, we meet in two hours. You know your tasks, everyone. Get to work.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter header by featherxquill :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a lot more to pack than Kate had anticipated. In the end they almost filled the whole globe with equipment, making for a slightly tight fit when they stepped inside to begin their journey. Not that Kate was complaining. This had to be the first mission they had ever embarked on that she had started being held tightly in Helen’s arms. It was, she decided instantly, by far the best way to embark on missions.

Helen smirked when she said something to that regard, and tightened her hold a delicious fraction as they balanced in between their equipment.

“Yes, I could get used to it,” she agreed, stealing a quick kiss.

~~~

It took them far too little time to reach their destination in Kate’s opinion, but they were on a mission, after all, so she wasn’t about to complain. Instead she began to unpack the globe while Helen searched for the tunnel entrance. It was one of the older ones, so it came as no surprise to find it hidden behind a bent. Far, far back in the beginning when they hadn’t had security and shielding technology, the Praxians had made a habit of using nature’s formations to hide their weak spots - like tunnels leading to or from their hidden world. They had become quite adapt at it, too. Knowing where the entrance was supposed to be helped, though; Helen returned only a few minutes later.

“There’s been a cave-in only a few metres in,” she said, helping Kate unload. “I suggest we leave everything else at the entrance and bring only the globe for now. No sense getting everything dirty and buried should something go wrong.”

“That’s oh so comforting,” Kate teased, complying with Helen’s wishes.

Helen ignored the teasing, already concentrating on calibrating the globe in front of her.

“Seeing how fine the debris is I’d guess rock termites are the most likely reason for the tunnel’s cave in,” she said. “Good thing we brought the globe. There’s no getting through this by hand.”

She threw a look back at their equipment, seizing it up.

“What do you think, half a man’s height for the new tunnel? We could crawl and pull our packs behind us.”

Kate threw her a sceptical look.

“Crawl the whole way? Why not make it the same size it was originally? We’ll want to make it a real tunnel again, anyway, don’t we?”

 “Most likely. But the larger I adjust the globe’s range the slower the progress. Melting a tunnel of the original size might take weeks. The smaller the quicker.”

“Still, I don’t think crawling would be a good idea.” Kate eyed their equipment as well, then the cave-in that reached almost to the beginning of the tunnel.

“We have no idea how large the area is that caved in. For all we know it might be the whole tunnel. And if we should have to take an abnormal or maybe even a number of them back with us we’d be facing serious trouble getting them through such a narrow tunnel.”

Helen pondered her words.

“Alright, we’ll go for head high.”

~~~

Kate sat at the campfire, fingers hugging a mug of tea as if clinging to a pole in a storm. Calibrating the globe had been relatively easy, as had been watching it slowly thrusting its way through the rock. Helen had been right - any bigger and the new tunnel would have taken an eternity to carve. The way it was, they had only managed to catch a precious few hours of sunlight up top. They’d marched fast to cover as much distance as they could before sundown. That, combined with the weight of their equipment - yeah, she was definitely feeling it in her bones.

Eyes hooded, she watched Helen as she stored away the last of their belongings in the little storage corner of their tent, careful to keep everything that needed to be kept dry and out of sight of curious animals dry and out of sight of curious animals. Helen was good at this; she got the things done that needed doing and was fastidious enough to get them done well. If only she were as good at other things, things like trusting people, for example.

Kate stared into her cup. If she was honest with herself, Helen was exceptionally bad in that respect. Oh, she could trust other’s abilities. She could even trust their loyalty, their intentions. Maybe it was because she’d lived such a long life, had more insight into the machinations of things, of _people_ , than others - or at least thought she did. Maybe it wasn’t so much trust but experience; maybe it was being able to bring empirical experience to probabilities of things developing this way or that.

She brought the mug to her lips and sipped her tea, cursing silently when it scolded her tongue. She tried to soothe the burn by pressing it against her teeth as she looked around their campsite. Once more, her eyes came to rest on Helen where she sat hunched over, checking some piece or other of their equipment.

She looked beautiful in the firelight, her black jacket and blue jeans hugging her figure, her hair pulled back into a simple pony tail with loose strands framing her face. Kate loved seeing her like this. Helen was always beautiful, and she could be the perfect picture of downright stunning beauty when she put her mind to it. She had a scandalously large variety of clothes and accessories at her disposal to enhance the image she wanted to convey. But there was something to this simple version of Helen Magnus that always made Kate ache with tenderness. It made her want to reach for her, pull her close and wrap her arms around her, to hug her close enough to melt into her, never letting go. It made her yearn to become the shell that kept this open and, dare she say it, almost vulnerable side of Helen Magnus away from the world, out of its reach within the impenetrable, indestructible shell that was Kate Freelander, hard enough to fend of any attempt to reach what was most precious to her.

Kate turned back to facing the fire just as Helen looked up, smiling as she saw Kate watching.

That was the problem, wasn’t it? It wasn’t really vulnerability Kate was seeing. Allowing herself to be vulnerable in front of others meant having to trust them. Helen had perfected displaying various facades long ago; Kate had watched her do it many times, on missions, at home, on numerous social functions - whatever others expected or needed her to be, she had a front at hand that worked, almost too well. And while sometimes it seemed she allowed her lover to glimpse behind it, if she was honest Kate could never say exactly when that was the case.

Movement caught her eye and she looked up to see Helen straighten and cross the space to join her at the fire. Kate put her mug down and reached for the second one, dropping in a tea bag before pouring hot water over it.

“Everything’s taken care of,” Helen informed her and sat down, smiling her thanks as she accepted the mug Kate handed her.

“Good.”

Not in the mood for conversation, Kate picked up her own mug again and returned to staring into the flames, finding their unpredictable dance the perfect background to her brooding mood.

She’d thought she was fine with the way things were. Helen was Helen, and Kate was still floundering to believe that she really had taken an interest in her, that someone with her own background and lack of cultivation would seriously appeal to someone like her lover. Alright, so maybe Will had been right and she _had_ been caught in a serious case of hero worship. But still, she’d seriously thought having the attention of Helen Magnus was enough, the magnitude of that incomprehensible fact alone enough to... to keep her happy. And it had been growing, becoming more intense, more intimate as their feeling developed and familiarity grew.

She wanted more, had been looking for more even before. All that snooping around in Helen’s past even though she knew she didn’t like it... She’d been intrigued, curious; it probably was the reaction most people would display in her situation. Hell, Will _still_ reverted back to grilling Helen about past acquaintances from time to time.

It sometimes seemed the only way to learn more about Helen’s past. Because Helen didn’t talk about it often; she only talked when prompted, sometimes not even then. Kate had learnt that much early on. What she hadn’t understood was why. It couldn’t all have been bad, could it?

But in a way, it seemed what her exceptionally long life had taught Helen was to live in the here and now. Maybe because ‘the past’ of her lover entailed so much that there wasn’t enough space in the here and now to keep dragging it around with her. Maybe once you had acquired a certain amount of past you had to keep it stored away as much as possible, tidied up, if you would, simply to have room for more.

Kate looked over at Helen, watching as she pulled the tea bag out of her mug to put it aside.

“I think we’re on the right track,” Helen said; maybe she’d noticed her watching. “There were a number of tracks today that make me confident that they’re somewhere close by.”

“That’s good,” Kate said automatically, not really processing the information. The firelight was making Helen’s skin glow; usually that sight reminded her of long nights spent on a rug in front of the fireplace. All it did right now was make her think of what it must have looked like, felt like, as the explosion had engulfed Helen. Had it thrown her into the air, carried by a ball of fire? Had she been buried under debris, had she watched as her home came crashing down on her? Or had she already been unconscious by then? Kate didn’t even know how Helen had escaped in the end, only that a shield Henry had developed had protected her from the worst, had kept her alive.

Biting her lip, Kate closed her eyes against the images her mind was providing. Watching the Sanctuary explode had been the worst experience of her life, right next to her father’s death. It had hurt a lot back then, but that pain had dulled somewhat with her growing up and time softening the edges of her memories. Loosing Helen had been enough to choke her, to make her world burn down to black and white shadows, nothing left but embers of smouldering pain, burnt black wood and cooling white ash. Kate had moved on automaton, and it had seemed as if even that little movement could stir enough air to blow away what was left - and she hadn’t even cared.

Was it a surprise, then, that the moment she saw Helen, alive and almost well, she’d felt as if her mind had shut down from the sheer overload that was her relief? Because there had been relief, massive relief, and joy. And... and so many emotions that she couldn’t possibly sort through them.

But every time Helen stepped closer, Kate could feel herself step back, automatically, even though she didn’t want to. On the contrary, she wanted things to be normal again, to be back to what they had before. Their relationship had been developing, blooming. It had grown, and tightened, and it had been beautiful.

She wanted it back. She wanted it back so much it hurt. But where it now seemed that Helen had decided not to trust, even her, even her lover, Kate wanted to trust so very much - and couldn’t. She trusted Helen with her life. Only now she feared that might not be enough, not anymore.

Kate swallowed against the tight knot in her throat that had been growing since she’d sat foot on the New Sanctuary’s grounds for the very first time. By now it felt as if it was threatening to choke her and no matter what she tried, she couldn’t seem to find a cure. It just hurt so much-

“How about dinner?” she heard Helen ask next to her even as she tried not to let on what she was fighting with. “Bread?”

“Sure,” Kate said, praying Helen wouldn’t notice the roughness of her voice. She straightened and placed her mug on the ground to receive her share of the bread and toppings. “Does that mean we’ll be back to some serious cooking soon?” she joked in an attempt to banish the thoughts that plagued her. Helen’s smile seemed almost relieved.

“I should hope so! How much water do we have left?”

Kate reached for her water canteen, shaking it.

“We should refill tomorrow before we leave the river behind,” she said, then nodded. “Definitely.”

“Alright. I checked the rest of our equipment, it seems everything is in order.”

Nodding again, Kate told herself firmly that her chances of getting her meal past that knot in her throat were better than they seemed and took a bite.

“That’s good to hear,” she said, her voice muffled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter header by featherxquill :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They ate in silence, as Kate was obviously deep in thought. She had appeared at ease about accompanying her, but Helen wasn’t sure how comfortable she really felt about being here, with her. The fact was, she could barely get her to speak more than two words, and she actually felt unsure whether she should give Kate time and wait for her to start a conversation or to press further, confront her anew. In the end, she stayed silent, staring down into her mug that she knew from experience didn’t hold any answers but served alright as a distraction.

When they were done they cleaned their plates and did what little they could do to prepare for sleep. Helen made sure the fire was out, the embers burned down to white ash, and joined Kate in their tent. The night air brought a considerable chill with it, making Helen glad to slip into the warm sleeping bag, even though she’d felt a painful tug of disappointment earlier when she’d noticed that Kate hadn’t joined their sleeping bags as they usually did. It probably was expecting too much too soon, but it still hurt.

Expecting a night that would feel as strangely off as the whole evening had started, her heart beat quickened to find her lover under the cover of two joined sleeping bags, looking hesitantly up at her.

“It’s cold,” Kate said, fiddling with the zipper as if seriously considering to unzip them instantly if Helen hesitated too long.

“Very cold,” Helen said, somewhat hurriedly. “I’d advise to share body heat.”

~~~

“This is nice.”

Lying in Helen’s arms with only her heart beat and the sound of nature at night to listen to had Kate more relaxed than she’d been in a long time. She opened her eyes when soft lips brushed her cheek, finding Helen looking down at her.

“Very nice.”

They looked at each other, searching, hoping.

“I wish things could be like before,” Kate finally whispered.

“Me too, Kate.”

The look in Helen’s eyes as she watched her in the hazy shade of night was almost painful to witness. Kate reached up and trailed her fingertips along her lover’s cheekbone, silently pondering their situation. She didn’t think they could go back to the way things had been between them before, not anymore.

“You’re clever, Helen. Did you even try to come up with something to say to me that would have explained or at least hinted at things in hindsight?”

Helen had the grace to look apologetic.

“You know it wasn’t safe.” She hadn’t, then. “And I knew how hard a time you had leaving me for Garris. It was supposed to be a chance for you.”

Kate pulled back to glare at her properly.

“I will _not_ have that talk again,” she declared resolutely.

Then she sighed.

“And I guess I understand. Why you did what you did. It’s just, it was really painful, you know?”

Helen nodded.

“I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know.”

Both lay silently, lost in thought. It was a comfortable silence, though. As much as talking hurt, it almost felt like cleaning a wound - you had to endure the pain before things could get better again. They might not be able to go back to what they’d had before - but maybe they didn’t need to. Maybe they could build something new, could have something even better. Kate threw Helen a look out of the corner of her eye, a mischievous grin spreading across her lips.

“You have a lot to make up for, old woman.”

She shrieked when Helen’s hand shot out to grip her ear.

“Old woman?” Helen growled, twisting lightly until Kate pressed closer against her. “I’ll give you old woman!”

~~~

Birds were singing when they crawled out of their tent in the morning. Kate stretched, a smile on her lips as she turned her face to catch the rays of the rising sun. She felt content, well rested, and apparently there were butterflies hatching in her stomach because the thought of the night spent in Helen’s arms caused a faint flutter that made her grin giddily. Maybe she’d been overly down last night. Maybe things weren’t as bleak looking as they’d appeared in the dark.

She whistled as she set out to prepare a quick breakfast. Things really did look better in the light of day. Though the darkness of the tent hadn’t been half bad, either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to featherxquill who made all the wonderful chapter headers! :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand... Action!^^

Late that same morning, they were walking along a hillside later that morning, treading on soft ground covered with yellow pine-needles. The weather was unexpectedly warm and sunny, a little bit of wind breezing through the pine trees around them and caressing their skin. It was a beautiful hiking day that Helen found herself enjoying more than expected - even though they were on a mission. They were walking in companionable silence, and she was happy to see the smile still on Kate’s lips that she’d been sporting since waking up in her arms. This mission might actually be a blessing in disguise; it gave them time alone, away from everything else. It was time they desperately needed right now.

Kate turned and looked at her as if she had heard her thoughts, holding her hand out for her to squeeze. Helen smiled as she reached to take it.

At that moment, all hell broke loose. Out of nowhere, several furry creatures dropped down on them, heavy, loud, and furious. Snarling and hissing, clinging to them with long, thick claws, they tried to tear their clothes, get to their skin, reach whatever weak spot they could find. Helen hissed, cursing herself for her inattention, and fought to keep her balance under the attack while simultaneously fending off claws and recalling what she’d learnt long ago. Before she had a chance to do much of anything, something grabbed her foot; the ground vanished below her even as she tried to grab something, anything, to hold onto.

~~~

It was a sickening crack, audible even over the mayhem of the fighting, and it seemed to freeze the world. The following moan of pain cut right through Kate’s adrenaline induced haze and had her frantically fight to throw the attackers off. She barely registered the strange hissing noises Helen made, only that suddenly she was free and Helen was lying there, a few metres downhill awkwardly twisted around a tree, her face a grimace of pain.

“Bloody, _bloody_ hell!”

Helen was trying to sit up when Kate reached her, having skidded down the uneven ground and only just managing not to fall herself.

“What is it? What happened?”

She was looking her over frantically, looking for blood, anything that would explain the pain in Helen’s voice.

“Hit the tree.” Helen groaned. “With my arm.”

“Fuck fuck fuck! Anything else? Can you sit up?”

She helped her straighten until she was leaning against the tree, careful not to jostle her arm too much.

“I need the jacket off,” Helen said with a grimace, and Kate mirrored her expression at the thought. It was no use, though.

“And then I need you to set the bone and splint it.”

“Fuck.”

~~~

It seemed to take an eternity. While Kate thanked God it wasn’t an open fracture, she had to fight hard not to throw up at the sensation of the bone moving under her hands and the pained groan Helen couldn’t quite suppress. She’d had broken bones but she’d never been awake when they’d been set - and now she prayed she never would. She bit her lip until she could taste blood in her mouth to keep her hands steady as she followed Helen’s directions, ransacking their med-kit as well as the tree to get her arm as steady as possible. Then she cleaned and band-aided a cut on her cheek as well as a few scratches on her own face and negotiated painkillers into Helen.

Only when she sat slumped on the ground next to Helen, trying to get the memory of bone scraping against bone out of her mind, did she finally look up to see a group of five grey-brown, scruffy, Armadillo like creatures sitting in an orderly line on a log, watching them silently.

“Helen?”

Helen opened her eyes and, seeing what Kate was staring at, smiled faintly.

“I told them to wait.”

“You _what?_ ” Kate couldn’t quite believe her ears. “They attacked us!”

“They didn’t know better. It’s been some time since they last saw me.”

Kate stared at her, incredulous. Helen shrugged, then grimaced.

“What would you have me do? They were getting frantic when they heard my voice and you do not want to have a frantic pack of Auris running around, believe me.”

“Oh fine.” Kate huffed. They _had_ half expected to be attacked, after all. Only she had imagined something straight on. Something that gave Helen time to ‘talk’ - or her to stun. “At least we’ve found them, I guess.”

~~~

Once the painkillers kicked in and Kate managed to rein in her protective side, it was merely a matter of polishing her rusty knowledge of Auri talk to get to the root of the matter. It was somewhat difficult to get the gist from five agitated Auris hissing at once, but as far as Helen could tell through the overall haze of her mind, some idiots had managed to catch one of the young, working with half-cooked knowledge, assuming Auris could be used to find gold. Regardless of the fact that there was little chance of finding gold in the area the horde was currently dwelling in, young Auris needed to develop and hone their senses first. When those strangers had taken the young one and tried to force it to do what it couldn’t, its mother had attacked them. The horde didn’t know more, only that they had found the young Auri next to its dead mother. They had managed to get it back to the nests, where it refused to leave since then.

“I’d guess that’s the reason why they’ve been staying in one place for so long, and why they’ve taken to attacking ‘invaders’ instead of moving on as they’d normally do,” she said to Kate, as she concluded summarising the information she had gained during the hissed conversation.

“Was the mother the one...” Kate asked, grimacing when Helen nodded.

“That sucks,” she said, giving Helen’s left hand a short squeeze. “Idiots like that should be kept locked up in their rooms.”

Helen smiled grimly.

“The streets would be rather empty then.”

Kate snorted.

“You say that as if it’s a bad thing.”

~~~

The horde finally stopped under a group of trees, dispersing quickly and vanishing in the canopy of leaves. Helen craned her neck to find a number of sphere-like nests hanging above their heads. On one of the branches holding such a sphere one of the Auris balanced, clicking impatiently.

“Right,” Helen said over the noise of the abnormal repeating ‘young’ ‘up’ ‘young’ ‘up’ over and over. “All we have to do now is get it down from there and we can get home. At least these have relatively low branches. It shouldn’t be too difficult climbing them.” She paused, looking down at her arm. “Well, for you to climb them, I guess.”

“Ahh, Helen?” Kate interrupted, a nervousness to her voice that set Helen instantly on edge as well.

“Yes?”

“It might not be that easy.” Kate pointed at the trunk. It was covered in a silky white material, little blue lines slowly crawling all over it.

“Bloody hell!”

Kate nodded vigorously.

“I hear your ‘bloody hell’ and raise you an ‘over my dead body’!”

“That might very well be.”

Helen leaned closer, studying the little caterpillars.

“Those are Spider Moths - or they will be. One bite might not kill us. But a dozen bites? That might very well do the deed.”

She looked back up at the nest above them.

“Damn it! Normally, I could have lifted you up to the lowest branch, but now...”

They studied the tree, trying to come up with a solution.

“They’re not that quick, are they?” Kate asked after a moment.

Helen frowned.

“You can’t climb up the trunk. They’re all over it! Quick or not-”

“But they haven’t spread to the branches yet. If you can give me a leg up I can reach it.”

Helen studied the branches, but shook her head at the last part of Kate’s suggestion.

“Not one-handed, Kate.”

She took a closer look at the lowest of the branches above her, trying to change Kate’s suggestion into a solution while Kate muttered curses behind her.

“Kate-”

She turned to her, intending to tell her to stop the useless cursing, when her eyes fell onto her backpack peeking out from behind Kate’s back as she stood with her arms akimbo.

“I have an idea,” she said instead, eyeing the trunk, then the distance to where the branch above her was still clear of caterpillars.

“I need your sleeping bag. If I cover my back and shoulders with it I can lean against the trunk and you can step on my knees. You’ll have to jump, but it’s only an arm’s length to where you can safely grip the branch.”

Kate followed her eyes, considering her suggestion.

“Yeah, that could work.”

~~~

It did. Steadying Kate’s legs with her good arm, Helen managed to balance her on her knees and allow her to jump for the branch, where she dangled until she managed to pull herself up. Once kneeling on the branch, it was relatively easy for her to climb higher, slowly making her way toward the nest above them. After tying a net around it and using a rope to secure it to the branch it was affixed to, she used her knife to cut the strings of leaves and thin branches that held it in place. It fell and dangled in the air, held by the net. Loud hissing could be heard from inside from the panicked little Auri.

Helen was just grateful they had found a way to get it down at all as Kate slowly lowered it to the ground. She could see the outlines of the armour of a small rolled up Auri that, thankfully, made no attempt to escape the nest. That was for the best; the longer it stayed inside the easier their way back would be.

After making sure Kate landed safely as she let herself fall down from the tree’s lowest branch, Helen kept an eye on the nest while Kate did her best trying to free the sleeping bag of its caterpillar infestation. It wouldn’t do to leave it lying around, but neither of them wanted to carry Spider Moth caterpillars with them. After some wild shaking and knocking off Kate finally declared it “safe”.

They found themselves in a circle of apprehensive Auris when Kate attempted to pick up the nest with the young, having shouldered her pack once more. More hissing ensued, complicated by the fact that Helen couldn’t seem to come up with a combination of expressions that would communicate their intention to take care of the young Auri somewhere else, much to her chagrin. A sheer endless repetition of ‘safe’, ‘behind the trees’, ‘safe’, ‘behind the trees’ finally seemed to reassure the abnormals enough to allow the two of them to leave and take the little one with them.

“Thank god,” Helen heard Kate murmur as she picked up one end of the net containing the nest.

“They have a strong group cohesiveness, Kate,” she reasoned, picking up the other end with her left hand to carry it between them as it was too big to carry alone. It was going to be a long way home.

“Did you ask them about the mother?” Kate asked as they made their way back down the hill. The noises from inside the nest between them had stopped, much to their relief. The reminder of how frightened the young Auri inside was by their attempt to rescue it was hard to bear.

“They mentioned bears repeatedly. I think her carcass is gone.”

Kate grimaced, but Helen was glad. It was one less thing to worry about, and right now it was difficult enough not to let on that the effect of the painkillers was wearing off. They still had a long way ahead of them - she wasn’t about to stop every few kilometres to swallow another dose. It would be best to keep her head as clear as possible.

~~~

In the end it turned out that Kate was having a much closer eye on her than she’d hoped, and she found herself yielding to much more regular breaks than she had planned. There simply wasn’t a way to ignore the concern and protectiveness in Kate’s eyes, not while knowing how hard she had been hit by what Helen had made her go through recently. They still managed to reach the tunnel entrance only a short while after sunset, the sky still wearing the last traces of a stunning display of colours. This time Helen prevailed, ruling out spending another night in a tent in favour of pushing on to reach the Sanctuary with as little strain on the young abnormal as possible.

The way through the tunnel was long and tedious, and Helen was secretly glad for the last dose of painkillers Kate had insisted she take, clenching her teeth at the strain that walking while holding her left arm continuously in front of her put on her injured arm anyway. The nest was swinging slowly between them, no matter how hard they tried not to jostle it, and she just hoped that it wouldn’t be too much for the young inside.

It was a huge relief to finally reach the globe, so much so that to her surprise Helen allowed herself to be talked into standing aside as Kate made quick work of loading their equipment into the transportation module. The young woman, though obviously and understandably looking as tired as Helen felt, took care of it with efficiency and a certain eagerness. There was a new sense of awareness to her, now, a new sense of responsibility. Helen couldn’t quite pinpoint when it had happened, having been too distracted by trying to keep her arm steady, her pain off her face, and to complete their mission at the same time, but she noticed it now, noticed how Kate seemed to grow with it.

She kept pondering it as she stood in the globe, holding onto the railing above her with one hand and leaning against Kate at the same time. She kept watching her as they arrived at the Sanctuary, and as Kate took the little abnormal to its new home, nodding repeatedly at the instructions Helen kept giving her right up until they had to part ways and she herself was whisked off to the infirmary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to featherxquill who made the wonderful chapter headers!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Lisa who helped me a lot with this story and whose birthday it is today! I hope you had a wonderful day, darling! *hugs*

Kate had not asked what exactly the doctor had done as he attended to Helen in the infirmary. There were things she liked to stay blissfully ignorant about; their recent adventure had already provided her with far more detailed experience in this regard than she cared to have.

After making sure the little abnormal was safely placed in his new home, she had simply picked Helen up at the infirmary, waiting outside until the doors opened to let Helen through.

“Black?” she greeted her, taking in Helen’s dishevelled appearance. Still in the clothes she’d chosen for the mission, she looked even more adventurous now with the ruined sleeve completely cut off and her arm in a black cast.

“Well, after I was blessed with a veritable Van Gogh on my cast last time, thanks to a certain someone...

Kate grinned.

“I’m sure I could find a pink marker somewhere!”

“If I see one dot of pink marker on my cast you can skip that list, young lady. I’ll just spank you every night until the cast comes off.”

She gave Kate a stern look, causing her to raise her hands in defence.

“Alright, no decorating the cast. Got it.”

She linked her arm with Helen’s healthy one.

“Come on. As sexy as that outfit looks, I think we should get cleaned up and get some sleep.”

Helen actually yawned, almost hitting herself with the cast when she raised her hand instinctively. Kate giggled, unable to stop even though Helen glared at her. She knew Helen hated being impaired by injuries, but she couldn’t help enjoying herself as she took care of her slightly doped lover.

~~~

It was late the next day when Kate decided she had spent enough time working in the armoury to deny any lingering fascination with Helen wearing a cast if she went to see her. Of course, she needed to find her first, which turned out to be more difficult than she had expected. Helen wasn’t in her office, the library, the lab, nor the infirmary; she wasn’t at the little newcomer’s habitat, the kitchen, her rooms, and she hadn’t left the building. Kate glared at the computer screen displaying that last bit of information. She felt like being involved in a game of hide and seek that no one had told her about. Normally, she would have given up then, figuring Helen needed some time alone and would turn up on her own at some point in time. It didn’t happen often, but it had been the case before. For some reason, though, she couldn’t seem to shake a growing unease, prompting her to start over with her search.

As it turned out, she could have saved herself quite a bit of walking as well as worrying had she been more thorough the first time. A closer look at the Auri habitat revealed Helen sitting cross-legged amongst the foliage, close to where Kate had fastened the nest on a branch low above the ground. She was still clad in the dark jeans and white blouse Kate had helped her put on that morning and her hair was also still pulled back in the ponytail she’d asked Kate to help her with at lunch. By now, quite a few strands of hair had escaped the hair tie and framed her face. In her lap rested a book, her left hand holding it open; she appeared to be reading out loud. Kate stood on the other side of the window and watched, spell-bound by the sight. She longed to go in and join her lover, to sit down next to her and cuddle close, listening to her voice as she read from what Kate could see was Helen’s favourite book. There was no mistaking that colour of binding.

She hesitated, though, afraid to see the faint smile on Helen’s lips disturbed if she joined her. It was a soft expression, tender, one that Kate wished she could keep there always.

An idea struck. It had her turn away, hurriedly retracing her earlier steps down the hallway.

~~~

“And if you want to know how the story continues, you’ll have to come out of there next time, little one.”

Helen shut the book, leaning forward to peek inside the nest dangling next to her shoulder. From what she could discern, the little Auri appeared to have settled down, its little nose pointed toward her now. It had still been curled up in a tight ball when she had arrived earlier, so she interpreted the new position as interest. It was a good sign; Helen thought she could even make out a pair of little black eyes looking at her, making her smile.

“Curious, are we?” she whispered, then hissed a quiet ‘home’ ‘safe’ before rising to her feet and brushing off her jeans as well as possible. She’d had to endure her fair share of casts over the years, but the first days never ceased to be the most awkward. At occasions like this, she was especially grateful for her accelerated healing, glad not to have to wear the cast the usual number of weeks. Two weeks were hassle enough.

~~~

A surprise awaited Helen when she stepped out of the enclosure and shut the door. There, pinned right in the middle, was a sketch. In quick pencil lines, she saw herself sitting inside the enclosure, reading to the Auri. She reached up and gently tugged at the paper until it came loose, then carefully freed it from the sticky tape at its back. It was beautiful, and it made her more than happy to see that Kate was opening up about her talent. She was good, Helen had known that, but concentrating on the actual process instead of trying to hide it during meetings lent a whole other level to the picture.

Butterflies set her stomach atingle as she studied the picture; it was a very welcome sensation that made her feel excited in a way she hadn’t felt since the early days of her relationship with Kate. It also told her to hurry and find Kate; it was a message she took very seriously. Tonight was the night before Kate’s birthday and it was the perfect time to bring back some spark!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to the lovely featherxquill for her awesome artwork!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to everyone who left kudos and comments - I can't tell you how much that means to me! ♥

Spending time with Helen, quality time with just the two of them, had become Kate’s favourite activity since she’d joined the Sanctuary. It was way, _way_ on the top of the list. For all the tension between them now, it had still become even better down here. Things were far from perfect on a personal level and sometimes Kate doubted they’d ever be able to work through their problems. But then she’d look at Helen and realise once more that this was the best thing that had ever happened to her. Freelanders were fighters, especially this one, and the good times strengthened her resolve even more. During these times she saw Helen carefree in a way she had never seen her before, and she felt her love grow every time Helen smiled at her as if she was the most precious thing in the world.

Kate raised her head from where it had rested on Helen’s shoulder and met her eyes just as the clock chimed. There were fingertips ghosting over her body, exploring her hip, her waist, then circling lazily around a nipple. The touch matched the relaxed lines on Helen’s face perfectly as she watched Kate’s every reaction, and it raised goose bumps in its wake.

“It’s midnight,” Kate observed and shuffled around until her head rested on her fist, allowing her to look down at Helen.

“That it is,” Helen agreed, never once stopping her fingers’ exploration.

She was just as naked as Kate, only sparingly covered by the soft black sheets on her bed - and her cast. A breathtaking sight, strangely completed by the colour of the cast matching the sheets and contrasting with Helen’s skin. It made Kate want to roll on top of her, to kiss and lick and revel in the way the silken skin would feel on her own, the way it would rub where the salty dampness of sweat still lingered. Judging by the grin on her Helen’s lips, her lover knew exactly what kind of thoughts were running through Kate’s mind; it was reason enough not to give in to them just now.

“That means it’s my birthday,” Kate pointed out instead.

She arched against her lover when Helen’s fingers found the ticklish spot on Kate’s lower back.

“Indeed.”

The way her fingers dug into Kate’s back made the younger woman smile and arch her back further. She liked the way Helen’s eyes were drawn to her breasts at the movement, eyeing them hungrily. She was oh so close to feeling equally hungry lips close around them. The thought alone made her nipples stand up even straighter.

“Soo,” she prompted long-drawn, waiting for Helen to look up at her again. “Do I get a proper happy birthday now?”

Helen tore her eyes from the sight she was presented with, her grin morphing into an unapologetic smirk that matched the glint in her eyes.

“I thought my previous ‘happy birthday’ was quite proper,” she teased Kate, her hand slipping down to dip between her legs in a far too short caress. It came back glistening with wetness; Kate’s mouth went dry as she watched her lover suck them clean.

“Mmh,” Helen hummed around her finger. Then she pulled it out from between her lips with an audible smack. Kate couldn’t help but stare at the glistening wet finger, then the equally wet lips and the tongue licking them clean, slowly, as if to savour the taste.

“Oh yes, quite proper, I’d say.”

 _Her_ taste on her lover’s lips!

It was getting difficult to think, to follow her previous train of thoughts.

“How, how about a birthday wish then?” she tried, only just stopping herself from licking her own lips in response. Berating herself for being far too easy, she also made a conscious effort to relax the death grip her free hand had on the sheets between them. Helen chuckled lowly as she smoothed the crumpled silk.

“I guess you’re entitled to one,” she allowed generously. The effect was spoiled by the startled cry she gave as Kate literally pounced on her. Her arms came up to pull Kate closer, the roughness of the fibreglass cast an exciting scratch on Kate’s skin. Helen’s laughter vibrated through Kate’s shoulder as Kate latched onto her neck, hands buried in Helen’s dark tresses, baring her skin to her lips.

“Good,” Kate mumbled against the warm skin, stroking her lips from side to side across it just to enjoy its softness.

“Because I’ve got a quite urgent one!”

~~~

As often, they lost track of time in bed and so it came as no surprise that Kate found herself running quite late as she returned to her room. She still had to change into an outfit at least vaguely resembling that of a birthday girl. Usually, that wasn’t a problem - she was a quick dresser after all. But the first thing her eyes fell on upon entering her room was a large square present on the covers of her bed. At that point, all thoughts of being in a hurry were forgotten.

Curious as to what it was, Kate closed the door and crossed the room, picking up a card that lay atop the present. It was a simple white card with her name on it; she turned it over to see elegant letters in a familiar handwriting on the back.

 

 _To hone your already considerable skill_.

_I hope you enjoy it._

_Love, Helen_.

 

Intrigued, Kate examined the present. She’d seen Helen only minutes ago, after spending the whole night in her arms. So what could this present be that Helen couldn’t give to her personally? Against her usual habit of tearing presents open with little regard to their packaging, Kate picked it up carefully; this one was just too curious and too precious to treat in such a way. Instead she slipped a careful finger under the satiny Bordeaux coloured wrapping paper and peeled off the tape with great care. After folding the wrapping paper back, she finally brushed it off to lie on the covers, revealing a dark chestnut wooden crate with golden letters inlaid depicting her name. Fascinated, she slipped the tiny latch open and lifted the cover to find a collection of drawing implements inside, delicately placed on a soft, dark grey material. There were graphite and charcoal pencils, pastels, an assortment of black pens with different brushes, different erasers, a sharpener, and other such implements, as well as a box that Kate knew to be a water colour set and a little delicate glass to hold water. She also found a number of brushes in various sizes next to it. It was beautiful.

Her breath caught as she sat there, looking at it, knowing that Helen had such great confidence in her drawing, that her lover realised what this meant to her. It was such an obviously expensive arrangement – usually, she only used whatever pen she had in hand, or pencil, preferably, and drew on folders and notepads. Now she had various kinds of utensils as well as a thick pad of wonderful drawing paper available. Kate didn’t have any idea how to properly convey her gratitude, but she’d have to find a way.

She straightened, resolved, only for her eyes to fall on the clock on her bedside table. Oh well, it was her birthday - if anyone was entitled to be late, it was the birthday girl.

Unless said birthday girl was supposed to start a list- She coughed. 

Time to hurry up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Chapter art" by featherxquill!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the team were already waiting in the Atrium when Helen came down the stairs; everyone was there except the guest of honour. Helen smiled at the impatient look on Henry’s face as he spotted her without Kate.

“Hey doc, I thought she was with you?”

Judging by the eye-roll of both Erika and Will, he’d been twitching with excitement for quite a while now. Well, if anyone had the right to be excited, it probably was him - and Helen was looking forward to Kate’s reaction to what he’d organised, too. She was quite curious herself! They’d brainstormed together and discussed some general aspects, but Henry had been responsible for taking care of all the details.

“Good morning to you, too, Henry,” she teased, smiling when he blushed at the gentle rebuke. “She went to her room to get changed,” she told him, not about to mention that she probably knew what was keeping her.

“Jeez, guys!” she heard from behind them just as she’d joined the group. They turned to watch Kate come down the stairs. “I’m not _that_ late!”

She appeared fine, Helen decided, taking in the tight black jeans and yellow linen blouse with an appreciative smile. Large wooden armbands and cotton sandals completed the lovely outfit - perfect for just as lovely a day outside. And if her expression was somewhat queer, that could easily enough be chalked up to her unease at being at the centre of attention.

“Hey, birthday girl!” Henry greeted her at the bottom of the stairs. “Happy birthday!” He hugged her tightly but shortly, barely able to hold still. “So, are you ready to rumble?”

Kate laughed as Erika poked him in the ribs.

“Give the rest of us a chance to say ‘Happy Birthday’ as well, would you?” She admonished good-naturedly, before enveloping Kate in a tight if somewhat athletic hug, due to her swollen belly between them. “Happy birthday!”

Helen watched as everyone congratulated Kate, passing her from one embrace to the next, before slowly but surely herding the laughing and joking group outside. As she stepped through the doors herself, she felt a hand slip into her own, fingers weaving through hers.

“Thank you,” Kate whispered, smiling at her as they followed the others. Helen answered her smile with a tightening of her hand and a smile of her own, more relieved than she’d expected to be.

“You’re welcome.”

~~~

As was her nature, Kate had of course tried to cajole Helen into telling her what they had planned for her birthday party. She had tried to trick Henry into letting something slip, had grilled Will, had worked on persuading the Big Guy to at least tell her what was to be on the menu, and had finally attempted to bribe Tesla. For all her efforts, she knew to dress casually, and to meet everyone in the entrance hall - which was exactly what Helen had told her right from the start.

But if she was honest - in a very silent, very ‘in her own head’ way - she loved it. She loved linking arms with Helen and being led outside, not knowing what to expect. She just had to keep up appearance, and since she’d known for certain no one would tell her anything she’d been unconcerned to give it a good try.

Helen, of course, noticed right away her delight at what they presented to her. She leaned closer and gave her a conspiratorial wink.

“Glad we didn’t tell you?”

Kate met her eyes and nodded.

“Very.”

It was a beautiful scene, a large fire in a stone circle with all kinds of food on or next to the stones. Bread and toppings, puddings, and pancakes waited on plates to start with, meat and vegetables were sat aside to be roasted above the fire later on. Best of all, though, and causing Kate to grin widely, was the large yellow birthday cake. Around the fire a circle of large, plushy looking pillows awaited them, a table with drinks stood to the side, and the trees around them were decorated with colourful banners. A number of instruments waiting under the trees suggested music later on, and the torches dispersed between the trees told Kate that this was planned to last late into the night.

By far the best part, though, came when Helen led her to an exceptionally large banner and Henry, with the rest of the group gathered around them, pulled it down and off with one swift movement, revealing a large hanging tent in the tree behind it. It’s cloth a warm, dark red and filled with comfy looking pillows, the diamond-shaped tent looked almost cocoon like, a floating, safe place.

“Wow!”

Everyone around her smiled, watching her standing speechless.

“From all of us, Kate,” Will said, stepping closer. “Happy birthday!”

She was staring, but it couldn’t be helped.

“It’s awesome, guys.”

She had never been given anything this intimate before by anyone else but Helen.

“It was Erica’s idea to give you something, some place, where you could relax,” Henry supplied with a fond smile at his wife. “The doc found it.”

“Well thank you, thank all of you. I love it!”

And she did - but she was also grateful when Helen ended the moment by turning her around to face the fire, thus starting the party.

“Think about where you want to have it placed while we eat,” her lover said. “Go on, everyone. Time for breakfast - we wouldn’t want our birthday girl to starve, do we?”

~~~

Helen looked around the merry group of humans and abnormals as they sat down around the fire. The pillows were just the right kind of squishy, as Kate had announced when she’d gently but insistently told her to sit down, the fire just warm enough to fight off the fading chill of night, and everyone was talking and laughing, already relaxing and enjoying the day off. She listened to the voices around her while Kate gathered breakfast for both of them. It would be a great party, she had no doubt about that. And glad as that made her, she couldn’t help the situation tugging at her heart. Ashley would have enjoyed being here, seeing what her mother had accomplished. But her carefree laughter was missing. If only her child could see them now...

Kate sitting down next to her pulled Helen out of her thoughts, and she managed a wistful smile as she realised their breakfast was arranged on only one plate.

“You okay? You looked sad.”

“I’m-” Helen paused in her automatic answer, surprised at feeling the knuckles of Kate’s hand tenderly brush across her cheek. “I was thinking of Ashley. She would have loved this.”

“Did you ever do something like this?”

It was a casual question, and the fact that Kate started preparing the light breakfast on their plate helped keeping the melancholy at bay, much to Helen’s surprise. Kate had obviously decided to take care of her today - finding a morsel of sweet bread presented to her lips confirmed her thoughts. Helen met and held her lover’s eyes as she opened her mouth and closed her lips around Kate’s fingers. The warmth spreading through her turned out to be the perfect balm to her aching heart, and she found herself actually enjoying telling stories of Ashley growing up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♥ once again to featherxquill for the beautiful artwork for this fic!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my favourite chapters and LOTS of fun to write: Steamy times ahead! I hope you enjoy the chapter just as much :D

Kate’s new tent was perfect. From the way it gently swayed back and forth, its new place in the tree right at the edge of Helen’s rooftop garden, to the way it closed her off from everything around her, sheltered her, while still allowing her a breathtaking view over the new Sanctuary’s grounds... It was perfect, and even more so when it dipped slightly under Helen’s weight. It took her lover some shuffling around until she had managed to get inside with only one arm to use, but it made it all the more precious to Kate that she had decided to join her here instead of waiting for Kate to call it a day and join her in the bedroom.

“It’s strange,” she said as Helen moved to sit next to her. She looked at her, then rested her head on her shoulder, turning once more to look out over the compound.

“What is?” Helen asked.

“This.”

Kate waved her hand to encompass everything around them.

“It’s so very you. Well, of course it is. You _built_ the whole bloody thing, after all. But still...”

She fell silent, unsure how to put all the thoughts that kept running through her head into appropriate words. She wanted to talk to Helen, but part of her wished they could just sit and watch as the sun set, enjoying that reawakened closeness between them. Maybe they could even fall asleep out here, just the two of them, nothing else...

~~~

Helen waited, but Kate didn’t continue.

“Still?” she prompted gently. She felt Kate tense against her shoulder.

“Still I can’t help but feel as if, I don’t know, as if I’ve somehow lost something, some part of you. The old Sanctuary, it felt like home, you know? It was the first place I felt safe in a long time. Because it was your place. It _was_ you! And now it’s gone. Destroyed.”

The breath Helen took as she prepared to answer seemed to be enough to make Kate realise what she’d just said. Before she could say anything, the young woman had already straightened, facing her wide-eyed.

“Not that this place isn’t great, because it is! It’s awesome!” she blurted hastily. “And I get why you did what you did, it’s just...” She stumbled to a halt, apparently at a loss as to what to say. Helen used the opportunity to step in.

“It’s alright, Kate. I understand.”

She smiled at Kate, then looked out of the tent’s opening with melancholic pride.

“I would do it again without regret, but though it is a new chance, I feel the loss, too. How could I not? You’re right. We all lost something that night, no matter what we might have gained in return.”

She turned to face her lover.

“A new beginning always entails leaving something else behind, good or bad.”

Kate nodded, then shook her head.

“Yes. But it’s more than that. You, a hundred and thirteen years, Helen, that’s more than a lifetime. Another lifetime I couldn’t be by your side. I can’t even begin to grasp what you had to live through. And all the decisions you made, the plans and changes you came up with. It’s as if you fast forwarded your life and I’m still running to catch up.”

She ducked her head, studying her hands, clearly trying to decide what to say or how to phrase it.

“I’m running and huffing as I try to catch up and I think I’m getting stitches.”

Helen tensed.

“What are you saying?”

Kate took her hand, pressing her lips against her wrist in a much cherished caress while meeting her eyes again.

“Don’t worry,” she said, a grin sneaking onto her lips. “You’re worth even the worst kind of stitches.”

Helen rolled her eyes, inexplicably relieved, causing Kate to giggle.

“But?”

“But. Well, I’ve been thinking. I can’t seem to catch up, so maybe I should stop trying and take a leap instead. Jump and hope you’ll catch me - after you get rid of that cast, of course.”

She winked at Helen, but then turned serious once more.

“I mean, I know what you want for me, and I told you what I want most. I think maybe in that regard we didn’t trust each other enough before, or didn’t talk enough. Maybe, maybe this could be a new beginning?”

Relief and overwhelming tenderness enveloped Helen.

“I’d like that very much,” she said, her voice hoarse.

Kate smiled and seemed to almost slump against Helen’s side as the previous tension left her body all at once. Helen slipped her good arm around her shoulder and pulled her even closer, pressing a lingering kiss onto the top of her head. When Kate reached for her other hand and began to play with the fingers peeking out of the cast, Helen rested her cheek against her hair and just watched, pondering Kate’s words. Maybe she was right. Maybe they hadn’t been open enough with each other. She liked the idea of starting anew - this seemed to have become the decade of new beginnings.

“Well then, Miss Freelander. Will you allow me to take you out on a date tomorrow evening?”

Kate raised her head to face her properly, her eyes sparkling.

“A second first date?”

“Can’t skip the second first date, can we?”

“Absolutely not! And I’d love to!”

She grinned that special grin that told Helen she was in a playful mood now.

“We can make our own rules, though, right? I mean, it’s not a _first_ date, it’s a _second_ first date. Those taking it slow rules would kinda suck this time around.”

Helen chuckled.

“As a matter of fact, we _have_ to make our own rules - because I really need my date to help me get ready, bra and zipper included, I’m afraid.” She winked. “Do you think you’ll be alright with that?”

“Absolutely! And I say having a date needs to be sealed with a kiss, too. New rule.”

Luckily, that was a rule Helen was more than content to follow.

~~~

Throughout the next day, Kate had felt far more nervous than a second first date warranted in her eyes. It had only grown worse as she had struggled to find a dress for the evening, and to get dressed in time to meet Helen. Seeing Helen and helping her, though, had been like balm to her nerves, and she was laughing freely once more before they’d even arrived at Gillian’s. Being relaxed and giddy at the same time turned out to be a heady mix.

It was a delicious feeling that made it impossible to keep the smile from her lips, or even to turn it down. That was quite alright, though. The restaurant was great, Gillian’s food, as delicious as her father’s might have been, was even more to Kate’s liking, and Helen was relaxed and flirting for all the world to see. Quite a few heads had turned upon their arrival, and quite a few pairs of eyes kept straying back to where they sat opposite each other, talking, laughing, flirting.

Helen flirting with her in public was always a knee-weakening experience, but the attention they drew tonight actually turned the yesterday just warmth inducing act of cutting Helen’s food for her into a cheek heating, heart beating act of hotness. One Kate learnt she couldn’t get enough of, and one that caused her to flirt even more outrageously.

~~~

“Apart from that cast you look about ready to ravish me right here on the table,” Kate observed casually, but Helen wasn’t fooled by her tone of voice; Kate was clearly baiting her.

“There _are_ limits to what I’m willing to do to you in public.”

“Oh? Pray tell!”

Kate rested her chin on her clasped hands, a challenging look in her eyes.

Helen met her gaze straight on, mirroring her posture with her left arm as she leaned closer as well, ensuring Kate would have no trouble understanding her, despite her low voice. Kate really should have known better. But alas...

“I would, for example, never tell you to pleasure yourself in the middle of a busy restaurant like this, where everyone could notice how your arm moves rhythmically as you rub yourself under the table. Of course, your hand would be hidden by the table and the table cloth, but the way the movement would jostle your arm and shoulder would become ever more noticeable the closer you’d get.”

A hitch in her lover’s breath told Helen the words were having the desired effect. The way Kate hung on to her every word was also quite telling.

“You’d certainly try to cling to the need not to draw attention, but as the heat would spread through you and your body would tense it would become increasingly hard to keep the movement minimal, to keep your breathing slow and regular. You’d have to fight to keep your face from drawing tight in concentration, to keep from huffing, to keep your legs from twitching and your hand relaxed on the table instead of fisting the table cloth the way you’d yearn to do.”

She looked pointedly down at Kate’s white knuckles.

“You’d feel desperate to cling to something, anything, knowing you’re about to come, biting your tongue to keep silent in what would long since have become a futile attempt not to draw attention.”

Helen leaned in further, lowered her voice even more, a mere murmur now, a caress to Kate’s tightly strung nerves if her clenched jaw was any indication.

“Because no matter how politely they’d try not to stare,” she continued, slowly, deliberately, “try to act as if they hadn’t noticed something untoward going on, all eyes would be on you now and everyone would know it, would know exactly what’s going on. Everyone would watch in fascination when you’d come for me, whimpering helplessly, slumping forward as you’d try to hide the force of your orgasm.”

Much to her delight, Kate did whimper at that, closing her eyes and swallowing hard before she sat up straight and untangled her fingers. Helen leaned back, quite satisfied with the effect her words had had, and watched her lover reach for her wine glass with a shaking hand to gulp down a large mouthful of wine. Sipping her own wine, she allowed her a moment to calm down and get her body under control again. Her own body was tingling as well, so she had a good idea of the rush of desire Kate was obviously fighting down. Self-control was such a wonderful thing to play with; and Helen was far from done.

“I have, on the other hand, no problem sending you to the rest room if the mood fits, ordering you to take off your panties and hand them over discreetly once you’re back at the table. I am also quite relaxed with telling you to pleasure yourself while there, to make sure you’re dripping with need, allowing you to suck your fingers clean but not to wash them. Of course, I’ll welcome you back with a kiss to your knuckles upon your return to see, or rather smell, if you obeyed. But you already know that.”

She smirked at the flush returning to Kate’s cheeks at the memory.

“Helen...”

“I would also,” she continued relentlessly, sipping her wine, “have no problem holding you close if we were sat in a private little corner like the one over there, where people can see barely more than our heads over the stone wall. I can well imagine telling you to keep your hands above the table, maybe continue to eat your starters, while I slip my own hand around your waist to open the fly of your trousers, slipping my fingers inside and...”

Helen grinned, enjoying her lover’s wide eyes and dilated pupils as she waited with bated breath for her to continue.

“And trying my best to drive you crazy with the wicked, wicked things I’m capable of doing to you with my fingers.”

A tiny moan slipped past Kate’s lips, and for a second she froze in shock before realising that it had been completely inaudible over the general chatter of the other patrons, inaudible to anyone outside their table at least. She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

“With you, ‘dirty talk’ should really need a license,” she finally said, a slight tremor still to her voice. “And it would probably be safer just to forbid that tone of voice outside the bedroom.”

“Aww, but think of all the wonderful teasing you’d miss out on, pet,” Helen drawled, quite enjoying herself.

~~~

It was actually a relief when the waiter stepped up to the table at that moment, his presence awarding Kate a reprieve from the intensity that was Helen Magnus at her most flirtatious. He stopped at their table, in his hand a bewildering tray with what looked like rolls of cloth. He picked the first one with two bamboo sticks, shaking it gently until it fell open, then held it out to Helen. He must have known Helen to be the better versed of them - or he had seen the confusion in Kate’s eyes.

“For your hands,” Helen explained as she took the proffered cloth with a nod of thanks. Following her example, Kate took the second one when it was offered to her.

“Oh,” she said, surprised to find it hot to the touch, and damp. “That’s nice!”

She looked at Helen, who had simply wrapped her left hand in the small towel, then wrapped her own hands in the terrycloth and rubbed them, slowly, sensually. It felt wonderful.

“It’ll get even better after you’re done,” Helen promised.

She placed the rapidly cooling towel back on the tray and waited for Kate to do so as well, watching with a smile as Kate caressed her own skin in amazement. Looking up, Kate reached for Helen’s hands, taking her fingers into her own.

“This was a wonderful second first date, Helen.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

Kate bit her lip, studying Helen’s lovely face as she pondered what she wanted to say next. She felt a bit apprehensive, but they had agreed that they needed to open up more, so...

“Will you take me home, please? I want to make love to you.”

It had been more difficult to say than it should have been, but the way Helen’s smile grew impossibly brighter was well worth it.

“Anytime, Kate,” she said. “Gladly.”

After a long, lingering look, she turned with obvious reluctance and signalled the waiter. Kate watched giddily as she paid, then took care to help her into her coat, stealing a quick kiss in the process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll probably always think of this chapter when I see a fork with pasta from now on - but then again, tent flaps have also lost their innocence ;) Thanks to featherxquill for the chapter header!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Notes for the Chapter:**

> More smut^^

This time when she walked down the hallway to meet Kate in The Play Room, Helen wasn't alone. While she carried, as before, a mug of hot cocoa in one hand, she now had a little Auri clinging to her other shoulder, its two long claws hooked securely into the modified shoulder holster she had taken to wearing whenever she had the little one with her. He liked nothing more than to be carried around by her, hooked into anything available around her neck; the gun holster with its wide leather strap across her chest was far more comfortable than the neckline of whatever top she was wearing digging into her neck or throat, depending whether he was in a chest or back mood. Not to mention the rather deep 'insights' she risked giving others when he clang to her neckline. Once she had decisively refused Kate’s suggestion to just “go with it” and put on a pretty bra, Kate had actually been quite helpful in modifying the holster to her specifications.

Having arrived at their destination, Helen opened the door and gently coaxed Hector to climb down and join the other abnormals. Then she joined Kate in the observation room above, handing her the mug with a quick kiss. To her delight, Kate reached for a cup that had been waiting on the table next to an array of recording devices.

"I brought tea this time."

"Thank you, darling."

They shared a smile over the rims of their cup and mug respectively and turned to watch the shenanigans below.

~~~

With her cast gone, getting the young abnormals back into their respective enclosures was definitely quicker, though it still took far too long in Helen’s eyes. Maybe make-out sessions weren’t the most sensible way of spending the time they had to themselves when supervising the play date. Still, spending play date time by involving her partner in corresponding activities seemed a reasonable decision.

All was well as long as they could hastily make their way back to their room afterwards, and as long as Helen was able to keep Kate from divesting her of her clothes until they had actually locked the door. Luckily, sometimes one particular look was enough to make Kate swallow audibly and quieten - like it had been today.

~~~

Kate’s hands were back on the lapels of Helen’s blouse, she was itching to get those shining white buttons open again and slide her hands under the black cloth once more. She’d been wanting to get Helen naked since even before they had said goodbye to their little charges - and the look Helen had given her at her first attempts had done nothing to calm her arousal, quite the opposite. It had also told her she was walking a very fine line with the way her hands returned to Helen’s body time and again, so she had forced herself to calm down, however reluctantly.

Now, behind locked doors, she had no such calms. Time to get Helen naked, time to rumple some sheets, time to-

She had not even gotten as far as to the third button when, very deliberately, Helen reached for Kate’s wrist, encircling it with her fingers. Almost on instinct, Kate tugged, trying to pull her hands back. The way Helen tightened her grip made breathing just that tiny bit more difficult.

Kate looked at her for one long moment, studying her, thinking. Then she swallowed and lowered her eyes, taking a very slow, very deliberate breath to calm her racing heart.

“Too soon?” Helen asked, eyeing her closely.

Kate shook her head, staring at Helen’s collarbone.

“I just missed this,” she whispered. “So much.”

Helen nodded; Kate looked up instinctively at the movement. It was a relief to know that Helen had felt the same way; but though her eyes spoke clearly of it, they also told Kate it would have to wait.

“Did you start your list?” Helen asked instead, tugging lightly at Kate’s wrist until she was stretching her arm in Helen’s direction. Slowly, casually, her free hand began to draw patterns on the most sensitive part of Kate’s forearm, feather light touches that seemed to set her skin afire. Her eyes were fixed on Kate’s face, and she probably knew the answer before Kate managed to verbalise it.

“I didn’t have anything to write down yet.”

“No?” Helen gave back, somewhere between surprise and a challenge.

“No...” Kate repeated hesitantly, not that sure anymore all of a sudden.

“And what about getting drunk without my permission?”

“But-”

Helen’s look cut her off more effectively than any word could have done. Fingertips found the crook of her arm, burning the most sensitive part; instinctively Kate stepped closer to Helen, bending her arm to evade the burning tickle. Only when she stood nose to nose with a very serious Helen did she realise what she had done. That had been a very bad move.

“You’re going to regret that, pet.”

Kate took a hasty step back, yet she knew it was too late. There was no taking back the action, no denying of the fact that she had just denied Helen access to her body. That wasn’t something Helen took well when in a dominant mood.

“Undress.”

Knowing better than to refuse her again, Kate did as she was told while Helen went around the room, collecting various objects. It was when she saw her pluck the large ornate ostrich feather from its place next to her vanity mirror that Kate realised what she was in for.

“Sit down on the edge of the bed,” Helen told her and placed her collection on the duvet. Kate sat down as ordered, taking a deep breath as she did so. She wasn’t going to like this, she just knew it. Well, at least not _like_ like it; she would probably like to hate it, though.

What she did love was the calm and confident way in which Helen positioned her so that she was sat just an arm’s length from the head of the bed, facing Helen and the window behind her.

“Grip the headboard,” Helen said, picking up the ostrich feather. Her position made nerve-frazzling sense all of a sudden. Kate tensed as she stretched her arm out to close her fingers around the wood, her breath quickening already. Helen smiled when Kate barely swallowed a little shriek at the first touch of the feather to her arm; it was a smile that did nothing to calm Kate’s wildly beating heart. Her arms were ticklish, very much so in fact. There was just no way she could sit there and endure that feather. It burned, it tickled, it set her skin aflame and made her toes curl and-

“Sit straight,” Helen told her and Kate realised she had leaned further and further toward the headboard, trying to evade the feather’s touch. She straightened, reluctantly, and the game began anew, only to stop again when barely a minute later her elbow almost touched the pillow.

Without comment, Helen put the feather on her nightstand and picked up a cuff, then took Kate’s left wrist to put it on and buckle it tightly. Next was a chain that she linked to the cuff before slipping it around the post at the far end of the bed and pulling it tight until Kate sat straight with both arms stretched out. Kate couldn’t help a tiny whimper when Helen picked up the feather anew; how did she always foresee her reactions? And how the hell did she expect her to just hold out her arm and endure this devious torture?

In a way, it turned out to be easier than she had anticipated. Easier in that her fingers tensed into a vice-like grip around the headboard the moment that teasing, burning, fucking feather was touching her skin again. Easier in that being bound left her reduced to squirming, squealing, kicking and twisting as she cursed and whimpered in turn.

It was unbearable, totally and utterly driving her nuts. She gave up.

“No more, please!”

Helen clucked her tongue and shook her head.

“Do you really expect it to be that easy?” she asked, and then Kate’s head fell back onto her shoulders when the feather indeed left her arm, only to move on to her breasts, and ribs, and stomach. With her eyes clenched shut, Kate squirmed and whimpered as Helen drew intricate patterns on her skin. She burst into helpless giggles when the soft feather found a particularly ticklish spot like the one on her waist, just below her ribcage, or under her armpits, and reverted to stomping her feet and bucking her hips when it discovered her bellybutton. She groaned and she cursed, yet she didn’t let go of the headboard as Helen continued to set her body aflame with nothing but the breath like caress of a feather, to burn her nipples, her breasts, her ribs...

“God please, please stop! Helen, please!” she finally dared to beg again when there was no way she could endure it any longer. Her voice was hoarse and her whole body ached, every inch of her skin tingling and begging her to scratch the sensation away, even though the mere thought of touching the hyper sensitive skin made her want to whimper again.

“Too much, it’s too much, please!”

She breathed a sob of relief when the feather disappeared, trying to calm her erratic breathing when Helen uncuffed her, then gently pried her fingers loose from their tight hold on the bed.

“It’s alright, pet,” Helen murmured soothingly. “Let go.”

She pulled her upright to stand on shaking knees, and Kate clung to her despite the harsh brush of clothes against her skin.

“You did good, Kate. Very good.”

The words soothed her frazzled nerves and she slowly felt the tension ebb away, allowing Helen to lead her to the bathroom where she watched quietly as Helen undressed, then followed her into the shower. The slightly cool water was heaven, pure and simple, washing away every last remnant of the ‘too much’ that had lingered on her skin. Once she had calmed down somewhat, as she was just starting to think she might actually have survived the whole ordeal, Helen got down on her knees before her and there was really nothing Kate could do but try to somehow hold herself up against the wall as she melted on her lover’s tongue.

~~~

“Helen?” Kate asked when they lay cuddled closely together after they had finally left the bathroom, their hair still wet but slowly drying.

“Hm?”

“Suppose I had, hypothetically speaking, suppose I had eaten the rest of that chocolate you liked so much?”

Helen huffed.

“Are you _trying_ to make up for all those weeks we didn’t play?”

“Purely hypothetical!” Kate protested.

Helen turned to face her.

“Alright. What about it?”

Kate couldn’t help but squirm under Helen’s knowing gaze.

“Would that have to go on the list, too?”

“Absolutely. But of course you know better than to do that, right?”

“Of course!” Kate hastened to assure.

“So if I were to get up right now to check, would I find everything where it is supposed to be - hypothetically speaking?”

Kate did her best to sink deeper into the mattress.

“Kate?”

“Well, maybe not _everything..._ ” she trailed off as Helen’s lips thinned, her expression turning dark.

“Really, Kate?”

Sinking didn’t work, nor did shrinking. Kate tried shifting backwards, only to find herself being pressed into the mattress by a very naked, slightly damp, and very hot body on top of her.

“Tell me, Kate,” Helen said as she took Kate’s wrists and moved them up above her head, “what happened the last time you ate my chocolate?”

Kate swallowed.

“You had a lot of chocolate, too.”

She would have shifted uneasily at the memory had she had any space to shift in, at all.

“And did you enjoy that as much as eating my chocolate?”

No, no she hadn’t. It had begun as a thousand times better, and then had become a thousand times more torturous.

“It was,” she hesitated, searching for the right expression, “overwhelming.”

Somewhere along the line her voice had dropped into a whisper, snuffed by the weight of Helen’s intense eyes. Her lover’s body was holding her down in the most delicious way imaginable and with those gorgeous breasts teasing her right in front of her lips she would have had a hard time concentrating if not for that particular memory keeping her focused. And focused was good, focused was essential right now.

This was why she had goaded Helen, what she had longed to feel again. She loved playing with fire, no matter how often she got burned with Helen. Helen was deliciously unpredictable and could be devilishly sneaky. And while she loved chocolate and loved Helen’s mouth anywhere on her body, those hours back then had very quickly become torturous. Helen’s torture was always of the most exquisite variety, granted, but torture nonetheless. Sneaky, evil-

“So to prevent that from happening again you will...?” Helen interrupted her thoughts, her voice leaving no doubt that Kate better come up with something good, something very good.

Kate’s mind raced.

“I will organise replacement?”

Helen looked very much not impressed.

“Naturally. And?”

She needed to think of something else, something good, something Helen would enjoy, would...

“And I will serve you your late-night cup of tea tomorrow evening?”

Would that work?

“Tomorrow?”

Alright, a start, but not enough. She needed more, quickly.

“For a week?”

Her eyes wide, Kate stared up at her lover, praying Helen would accept her offer, be satisfied with her willingness to make amends. Helen’s eyes narrowed slightly, taking on a predatory look. That didn’t bode well at all.

“Wearing what?”

Oh no. No.

“No.”

Kate tried to wriggle again, tried to get out of Helen’s hold, out from under her, out of the bed, out of the room, far away from-

“Wearing what, Kate?”

It was no use. She gave in, slumping into a heap of misery under Helen.

“Wearing your high heels.”

Kate whimpered. She was a very aroused heap of misery; she would have loved to growl at her lover for making her feel that way if her situation had not been that precarious already. A flash of amusement broke through Helen’s mask at the sound, a knowing grin that made Kate groan, and gush, and turn her head to hide her embarrassment. Then the stern demeanour was back.

“And you will ask for what, pet?”

She had felt defeated, had felt as if all will to fight had suddenly left her. Helen’s words taught her better, though, her resistance very much revitalised as she bucked, trying to throw Helen off.

Not that it was of any use. Helen had her where she wanted her, and that was where Kate would stay. When she calmed she found herself in the exact same position as before, breathing heavily, an embarrassing amount of hot wetness smeared between her thighs and, interestingly enough, on her stomach. The latter was an observation that did nothing to help calm her ragged breaths.

“I will ask to be-” her breath hitched, and the second half of the sentence turned high-pitched due to lack of air “-to be disciplined.”

She whimpered at the same time as Helen hummed her approval, sliding further down Kate’s body until their whole bodies touched and she could easily capture Kate’s lips in a rewarding kiss. It was delicious, lying stretched out and caught under her lover with their bodies fitting together in the most perfect way possible, rocking slowly as they kissed. The room was silent except for hums and moans, panting breaths and the sound of wet lips parting and meeting again and again; she could have kept doing this forever.

Lightheaded, Kate had to concentrate hard to catch Helen’s next words when she pulled back - far too soon in Kate’s opinion.

“I like your ideas,” Helen teased, breathless herself. “They might just be able to improve my mood.”

She leaned back down and Kate’s eyes fell closed on instinct, hoping for more kisses, but she felt Helen’s lips brush her ear instead.

“And I’m sure they will impress on you the need to ask for permission before touching my chocolate again, am I right, pet?”

Her voice was barely more than a whisper.

Kate’s were closer to a moan than actual words.

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Mmh, yes, I will make sure they do.”

Helen’s words had every fibre of Kate’s body vibrate with need, but just as she thought she might get lucky again that night, Helen’s weight suddenly left her as she rolled to lie next to her.

“They also got me quite hot. Be a dear and take care of that for me, would you?”

Frustrated but knowing better than to disobey, Kate turned over and crawled to kneel between Helen’s legs, throwing her a heated look that probably spoke clearly of the frustration and arousal fighting within her.

“Yes, Ma’am.”

She loved taking care of Helen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With another beautiful chapter header by featherxquill. Thanks!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done, only one more chapter to come... which is kinda sad...

“We didn’t find her in the East Wing.”

Kate reached for her walkie, crossing out the East Wing on her plan. That sneaky little bugger! At least with the New Sanctuary’s larger team they had more people for searches nowadays. Granted, the complex was much larger as well. Kate had only just swallowed a groan when she’d found herself appointed coordinator duties. It felt ridiculous, and it made her itchy not to be out and searching.

“East Wing is out, got it. See if you can find Helen outside, she could use help searching the groun-”

She broke off when the door behind her swished open; those steps definitely belonged to their aforementioned head of house.

“Scratch that, she’s here.”

“I found her.”

Relief was obvious in Helen’s voice and Kate grinned, turning to pick up the container and hold it open for Helen.

“And thus you win this year’s ‘hunt the pregnant bug-”

She gasped when her eyes fell on Helen’s bloodied hands.

“Fuck! Your hands!”

She stared at the mess of crisscrossing cuts and gashes on Helen’s hands and forearms as she gently eased the little panda snake female and her eggs into the glass container.

“What happened?”

Helen smiled, but it wasn’t easing Kate’s worries. Helen had a tendency to smile at the most worrying developments. She would probably even still be smiling when a ‘docile’ tiger cat had just bitten off her finger because it hadn’t been fed on schedule.

“It was nesting under the shadow thorns.”

She couldn’t quite contain the sigh at being able to relax her fingers. It told Kate more about the level of her discomfort than she would ever verbalise. Kate frowned.

“And you couldn’t have waited for help instead of reaching in without safety measures?”

“No. I found her just in time; the thorns had already grown and were about to pierce the eggs.”

Helen looked down at the panda snake that had curled up around its eggs.

“She couldn’t move at all. Crazy little snake; of all the places to build a nest...”

Her voice was fond, tender, and it only made Kate glare. Helen smiled when she noticed her expression.

“It’s not that bad, Kate. I’ll get it bandaged and make a note that we can skip the next feeding.”

“Helen!”

“Stop worrying, little bear,” Helen teased gently, opening her arms. Kate hesitated, afraid to hurt her lover, but then slipped into her embrace, clinging to her with her face buried against her neck.

“It’s going to heal quickly, Kate. I promise.”

~~~

Helen was right, of course. But that didn’t justify being this careless with her health as far as Kate was concerned. She made sure she voiced her opinion clearly - not that it would change anything. It made it easier to guilt Helen into letting Kate take care of her afterwards, though. And take care of her she did - in all the ways she could think of.

It was still early in the morning when a phone ringing pulled Kate out of her sleep. Vague memories of balancing colourful tea cups on a black crop were dancing through her mind, just out of reach. She frowned, trying to grasp what that had been about, but the images were fading fast. Too tired for nonsense like that, she let it go and turned, blinked bleary eyed, and watched as Helen reached for her phone on the nightstand.

“Yes?”

A faint murmur of someone immediately starting to talk at her lover told Kate’s sleep muddled brain that there had to be some kind of emergency. An emergency which someone had decided could only be dealt with by Helen Magnus herself. What a surprise. Kate gave up fighting sleep and allowed her eyes to shut again.

The bed rocked gently as Helen slipped out from under the covers, quickly moving into the bathroom to talk without disturbing Kate. Disgruntled but resigned, Kate padded with one hand until she’d found Helen’s still warm pillow, then wrapped her arms around it and buried her face in the soft scent her lover had left behind.

Surprise jerked her awake before sleep had had a serious chance to claim her once more when only a short time later the mattress dipped again. Kate lifted her head sleepily, coming face to face with Helen.

“Go back to sleep,” she whispered, caressing her cheek. Kate leaned into the touch without thinking.

“Problem already solved?” she asked, slurring the words slightly.

“Kind of.” Helen smirked. “I woke Will and told him to take care of it.”

She reclaimed her pillow, then pulled Kate close.

“Really?” Kate asked, her befuddled brain having slight problems progressing the unexpected information.

“Really,” Helen confirmed. “I promised to spend the night with you, and as long as there are other people capable enough, I plan on keeping my word. Besides, what’s the use of being the boss if I can’t throw my employees out of bed in the middle of the night?”

Kate cuddled closer and grinned.

“Poor Will.”

~~~

“Poor Will” apparently had been quite capable of taking care of the most recent emergency, because the next time Helen woke the artificial sun was casting tender rays through gaps in the curtains, the night well and truly over. It confirmed her resolution to delegate more, trying to spend more time with Kate. Her lover deserved more attention than she’d previously paid to her, even if she had never complained. Helen had just taken it for granted, forgetting that Kate wasn’t the type to complain at all, not with important things. Having come close to losing her repeatedly in the recent past had been somewhat of an eye-opener. Although they were quite close, it had become obvious that they needed to talk more. Used as she was to keeping her distance, recent events had made Helen realise that she wouldn’t be able to keep that up and still give Kate the relationship she deserved - and obviously wanted. Her lover was far too important to her to risk hurting her again just because she was comfortably set in her own ways. She’d unwittingly hurt Kate before, but she had been offered a second chance and she was determined not to let it happen again.

“Think Will got any sleep at all?” Kate murmured sleepily next to her, turning onto her back and stretching like a cat before cuddling close to Helen again.

“It didn’t sound all that serious.”

The bed was warm, as was Kate’s skin, heated from sleep. Helen brought her hand up to trail an exploring finger along the line of her lover’s jaw, revelling in the warmth.

“It’s morning and we’re lying in a comfy bed, well rested and with no immediate obligations. Are we really going to discuss Will Zimmerman?” she asked.

“I guess not.”

They kissed, slowly, leisurely. It was soft, and warm, comfortable and tingly in all the right ways and Kate hummed in that cute way when she pulled back.

“How about... Nikola?”

Helen couldn’t help but feel amused even though all she really wanted was to have those lips return to her own.

“What about Nikola?”

“Well...” Kate grinned “You’ve known him for what, over 200 years now?”

“You can’t really count the last 100 and something,” Helen pointed out.

“Okay. But still. More than a hundred years. From when you were both young and inexperienced, but reeeeally curious...”

Helen laughed.

“Oh come on,” Kate wheedled, fighting against her own laugh. “He has the hots for you, it’s more than obvious!”

“Because he declares it at least once every time we meet?”

“That too.”

“It’s not love, Kate. It’s a challenge, it’s comfortable, and it’s probably habit by now.”

Kate didn’t look particularly convinced, but let it go in favour of a more interesting aspect.

“Which does not mean that you two can’t have great sex!”

“Kate-”

“On the contrary, he’s extremely ambitious, I bet he’s gotta be the best at everything he tries.”

Against her will, Helen felt herself blush as Kate’s words called up quite delicate memories.

“Ohhh,” Kate gushed at that, “I knew it!”

She shuffled even closer, turning all husky.

“Tell me,” she asked lowly. “Tell me about what sex with a smoking hot vampire is like.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks once again to featherxquill for this beautiful chapter header!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the final chapter - I hope you enjoy(ed) it! :)

When Kate rounded the corner to the hallway that housed Helen’s office, she caught a glimpse of something small slipping into said room. Seeing the light reflecting off something on the little Auri’s back, her smile widened. It had been on her lips since seeing the look on Henry’s face when he met her preparing the tea in the kitchen, and realised that her outfit could only mean this was something ‘special’ for Helen.

When she stepped into the office, Helen had already gotten out the resolvent she kept in a drawer of her desk nowadays, and was working on freeing a silver spoon from where it was stuck to the Auri’s back. It seemed Kate wasn’t the only one who had something ‘special’ for Helen.

“I see I’ve got competition as far as late night activities are concerned.”

Kate put the tray on a small table and walked across the room, her heels loudly accentuating every step. Helen looked up at the sound of her voice and threw her an appreciative look, her eyes quickly taking in her appearance. Then she visibly reined herself in and returned to her task.

“It seems my old friend has been polishing the silver,” she said, freeing another spoon. It joined the spoon and fork already waiting on her desk. Only a small bracelet was left, so delicate Helen had to take care not to damage it as she worked on dissolving the glue called Auri spit.

“Do you know whose bracelet this is?”

Kate shook her head.

“Sorry. I guess it’s another piece to go into the Big Guy’s ‘lost and found by Auri’ box. Do you want me to take it to him tomorrow?”

“I’m afraid that box has been rapidly growing since little Hector joined us.”

Helen caressed the little abnormal’s neck after she’d finally managed to free the piece of jewellery. The way she smiled at her youngest charge spoke clearly of how unconcerned she really was about it.

“And no, that won’t be necessary, thank you. He’s already on his way to fetch the silverware as well as little Hector.”

Kate straightened, not exactly prepared to be seen in her current outfit. Henry had been amusing, but only because he was sure to be far more uncomfortable than Kate herself. She didn’t get an opportunity to protest, though.

“He needs to be done ‘learning’ soon,” the Big Guy’s rough voice announced from the direction of the door. He only spared Kate a short glance, apparently not at all surprised at seeing her in her current state. Her unease receding, Kate smirked at him, wondering if there was anything she could come up with to shake his continuous calm. She tugged her little white apron straight and played with the hem of the black skirt underneath, but his eyes had already left her to focus on the abnormal and the little heap of glittering treasure items on the desk. Kate frowned, considering him as he gently picked up the Auri then gathered the items around it. So he wasn’t fazed by the prospect of sexual activities - not exactly a surprise. She couldn’t help but wonder though-

A rebuking look from Helen told her to ponder this challenge at another time or, more likely, to let it go. Where was the fun in that, though?

~~~

When her old friend had left her office with little Hector safely in his arms, Kate hurried to lock the door behind them before picking up her tray once more. Helen put the solvent away again and sank back down into her chair. She watched silently as Kate carefully placed the tray on the edge of the desk, then poured her customary cup of tea. Little swirls of steam filled the air above the fragile cup as the golden liquid flowed into it, and the familiar scent of Jasmine tea surrounded her, almost automatically relaxing her muscles, conditioned over many years. She leaned back and allowed herself a full, unhurried look at her partner, who was currently doing a rather good impression of a maid.

“Nice outfit.”

Kate looked up from her task. She seemed almost confused for a second, but then she smirked.

“I thought you might like it.”

It was the last night of Kate’s penance. They’d had six entertaining nights so far - but this was the first time Kate had done more than Helen had ‘negotiated’.

“It suits you very well.”

Having finished pouring the tea with a flourish, Kate put the teapot back down on the warmer, then stepped around the desk to stand next to it.

“I’m glad you enjoy it.”

She stood straight and proper; it caused the hemline of her skirt to rise and reveal the edge of a pair of embroidered stockings. Helen let her eyes linger on the tempting sight.

“Oh, I intend to. I have to say, you are by far the most forward maid I’ve ever had.”

“Maybe you should teach me some manners,” Kate suggested in a low voice that sent tendrils of pleasure to coil low in Helen’s stomach.

“Not today,” she refused, albeit with some regret. She had some other ideas, though.

“Get your cute bottom up on my desk.”

~~~

Kate wasn’t about to protest. She liked the idea of Lady Helen giving a proper tongue lashing to her lady’s maid. She _really_ liked the idea of Helen in Victorian clothes. But the way her lover’s hands closed around her waist and lifted her up to place her right onto her desk - that was more than hot as well.

She hooked her feet into the armrests of Helen’s chair and used them to pull her closer, burying her fingers in Helen’s hair and leaning down to kiss her.

Helen wasn’t idle, her hands busy claiming Kate’s thighs and tugging at her panties even as their tongues danced together, teasing moans from their throats.

“Have you been fantasising about this, Kate?” Helen asked, pulling back so she could divest Kate of her panties. “About being my lady’s maid?”

Kate dug her heels into the leather of the chair to lift her hips and help, then pulled Helen right back in.

“God, yes!”

They kissed, and it really wasn’t fair that Helen was still able to do that magical thing with her fingers that had Kate gasp for air and fall back onto her elbows.

“You should wear skirts more often.”

“I don’t do skirts.”

Kate bucked against Helen’s hand.

“Such a pity.”

Helen’s voice was light and teasing in a way that told Kate she was about to present convincing arguments for her case. Not that there were any particularly convincing arguments for skirts. They were impractical for almost any activity she cared about.

Her hips bucked again when a thumb pressed down on her clit, then began to circle it with almost the perfect amount of pressure.

“Imagine how much more often I could do this. Or this.”

Helen cupped her sex with her whole hand in a demanding grip that made Kate’s eyes fall shut. Then two slender fingers pressed inside her while the thumb continued to work her clit, and Helen had to grip her hips tightly to hold her in place.

“But if you prefer jeans...”

“Maybe... a compromise...”

The bruising grip on her hips vanished when Helen decided opening Kate’s blouse to be a more rewarding activity, and Kate used the opportunity to meet the fingers moving inside her thrust for thrust. Her head fell back when Helen pushed her bra up and over her breasts, revealing them to her ministrations, and it was heaven when she cupped them, even though she brought her second hand up to play with them, too. The contrast of the rather wet touch on her right breast was exhilarating as Helen fondled them, cupping them whole and running her thumbs over the hard nipples and creased skin around them.

“You have such lovely breasts, Kate,” she murmured, almost to herself.

A moment later, two strong arms circled Kate’s waist, hands flat between her shoulder blades, not giving her time to answer but pulling her up, towards Helen. Then Helen was kissing and licking and sucking her breast and Kate heard herself moan. She forced her eyes open and looked down, completely enthralled by the sight of Helen feasting on her breast, worshipping the reddened skin and straining nipple. Helen switched sides after a moment, trailing her wet lips over the valley between them, then devoured the second one while the air cooled the wet skin she’d left behind, causing the nipple to harden even further - if that was even possible. Her dark locks brushed against Kate’s skin with every movement, teasing, tickling, and obstructing Kate’s view. She reached down and gathered it in a messy bundle in Helen’s neck, holding it up with one hand while her other explored the neck and shoulder now bared to her. Helen looked up at Kate when she felt the caress, lips still closed around her breast. The sight made Kate’s womb clench and her toes curl and she moved her legs to wrap around Helen’s waist and her hand to lie against her rosy cheek.

“You look so hot like this,” she told her, breathlessness lending an unexpectedly low timbre to her voice.

Helen hummed her approval, smiling against her skin, and the vibrations made Kate hump ineffectively in the empty space between them.

“I think I could almost-”

She didn’t get to finish her sentence. Helen flicked her nipple with her tongue, then bit down, and that was all it took to send Kate’s inner walls aflutter. Her muscles clenched around nothing, and her throat constricted into a low moan that carried her disbelieving words.

“I think you just-”

Then cool air hit her chest when Helen moved down and Kate was left clinging to the edge of the desk for all her worth, incoherent as her muscles spasmed against her lover’s tongue and she gushed into her mouth.

~~~

It was already late at night, going towards early in the morning, when Helen found herself sitting on the couch in her office with a fire going in the fireplace. It’s dancing light was the only thing illuminating Kate’s form where she lay curled up next to her, her head in Helen’s lap as she watched the flames and listened to their crackling rhythm.

They had migrated over here from the desk when Kate had insisted on repaying her with ‘special services’ - not that it had taken much persuasion to get Helen to agree. She had been burning with need herself by the time Kate had come apart on her desk. Now that need was satisfied as well, and quite thoroughly at that, and while it really was time for Kate to get some sleep, they were both far too comfortable to move to another room.

Running her fingers through Kate’s hair, Helen thought back to the way their evening had begun, back to Kate’s surprise for her. She really had looked lovely in that outfit, and it was an idea Helen could easily picture them turning into rewarding role-playing. It also brought back memories of some of the shenanigans she’d gotten into with some of her real lady’s maids – she would have to tell Kate about them sometime. Kate seemed to have developed a thing for her past, if recent comments and, come to think of it, the drawing she’d found such a long time ago were anything to go by.

“Did I ever tell you about the dresses I kept over the years?”

“Nope.”

The way Kate showed little reaction told Helen all she needed to know. She still asked.

“But you found them?”

This had Kate turn and sheepishly look up at her.

“Completely by accident, really.”

That explained the good rendition of a long since historical costume in that drawing Kate had done.

“I was wondering...” Helen paused, trying to gauge Kate’s reaction to the suggestion she was about to make. “Would you like me to pose in one of those dresses for you?”

“Pose?” Kate tensed. “As in pose for a painting?”

“Yes. For whatever drawing or painting you would like to do.”

There was silence as Kate studied her, pondering her offer. That alone told Helen how far they had come together, and it made her smile even before she felt Kate nod against her thigh.

“Do I get to choose the dress?”

~~~

"Done."

The sudden announcement pulled Helen out of her musings.

"That can't be."

Bewildered, considering how little time had passed, Helen turned where she’d been standing in front of the large windows overlooking the New Sanctuary’s grounds to look at Kate, who frowned.

"Well, I'm done sketching so..."

"Kate, I didn't take the time to put on all of this just for a quick sketch."

Helen gestured at her complicated dress, bustle, corset, and carefully arranged hair included. Apart from her enthusiasm in choosing the outfit, Kate was adoringly shy about all of this, but this wouldn't do.

"What kind of colours are you going to use?"

"I thought maybe watercolours?"

Which made sense, as it was the only technique Helen had seen her try so far.

"Faded colours for a time long gone," Helen mused, and was happy to see Kate's expression growing more confident.

"Yes. But I thought I'd use black lining to contrast it, make it more... present. Just like the contrast between your outfit and this place."

Helen resumed her position facing the windows to hide her smile. Finally, a glimpse of the artist Kate had been hiding.

"It will be beautiful. Go on then, colour."

"Oh, but... well, I'm not that good yet. It might take some time."

"This isn't taking long, Kate, believe me. Oil paintings, those take a long time. You’ll have to repay me if you ever want to do one of those."

There was a bit of shuffling and clanking as Kate prepared the watercolours.

"Alright then," Helen heard her say quietly, then the room resumed its tranquil state as Kate worked and Helen lost herself in her thoughts once more, listening to the soft music floating around her.

~~~

It was a beautiful evening - the last for the next few days according to the artificial weather control programme. The sun replica was slowly setting, casting an orange glow across the grounds. A group of trainees were moving between long shadows down on the lawn, doing their best to follow Kate’s directions. Helen could see they were making progress even from up here - and Kate was constantly coming up with new and better methods of training them.

Helen sipped her tea and watched as Kate ended the training session, the group dispersing. Kate stayed to answer some last questions, then turned to head home. At the edge of the lawn, she looked up toward where Helen stood, back-lit by the light in her office. Helen answered her wave with one of her own, then took another sip of the hot brew and waited until Kate had vanished from view before she turned to return to her work.

Her eyes paused on the frame on her desk; it was a drawing of her little family enjoying an evening in front of a fire, and it never failed to make her smile. Since a few days ago, it also never failed to remind her of the watercolour drawing that now greeted guests in her private living room. Smiling, Helen sat down and picked up her pen. Time to get some work done before Kate came to fetch her. Helen had promised her an evening of introducing her to the art of proper lady’s maid service, corsets, stockings, and a proper tongue lashing included. Kate had become far more vocal about her wishes, in and out of the bedroom, and Helen was more than happy to fulfil them whenever possible.

The sound of an incoming email had her look up. She opened the message, her smile widening as she read the text. This was perfect! Helen felt butterflies begin to explore her stomach, giddy expectation causing her nerves to flutter in a youthful excitement that had only recently returned to her life, with Kate. She wanted to offer Kate as many different experiences as possible – the tunnel to Europe needing one final testing posed the perfect opportunity for some experience-laden alone-time. There was this little villa in beautiful Italy that she hadn’t been to for almost seven years now...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One final, huge thank you to my Big Bang artist featherxquill who made lovely artwork for this fic as well as my other Big Bang fic "But the tigers come at night" - you rock!


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